Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Holiday Season.... finally over (hooray for a humbug like me), although it has been an odd holiday season indeed.

Spent with my parents, rather than my Babushka and our brood. Although we were able to skype it was just not the same. I admit I do not miss the pressure of a tree or the decorations or the chaos, but being back with just my parents makes me realize I do miss all of what Babushka and her family have brought to my life. THEY DRIVE ME FUCKING NUTS!!!

I am soooo glad they live 3,000 miles away. I love them but we get along so much better over the phone.

I get to leave sometime this week - then I can at least get back and focus on the confusion I seem to feel around Babushka.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Sometimes you are the bug.....

That is how life feels right now. I am in the lone star state, tending to my mother who just started her cancer treatments. I am with my parents, whose dysfunction is on display every day I am here.

I left behind a wife with a fractured kneecap, whose sister is now being diagnosed with cancer. A wife I miss dearly but am afraid she would be better off with someone who can be there for her.

I left behind a blended family that was just beginning to gel, but is now becoming distant again.

I had a sexual life I thought could get no better, yet now it seems so long ago that it was healthy.

I am tired and I am seems to be less about livin' and more about not dyin' a day at a time. I am sad about where life seems today and it feels so far from where it once was.

I may be simply whining, but I miss where I was just a few months ago and fear what 2011 is planning to bring.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Twice as nice........

Not really,

I never thought that life would get this difficult.

I do not regret a single moment, but there have been times in the last 2 months that I just do not understand what God has in mind for me:
  • 2 child surgeries
  • 2 automotive investments
  • 1 mother with Cancer
  • 1 father who cannot face the truth
  • 1 wife with a fractured kneecap
  • 1 ex-wife who is just an ex-wife
  • 3 teenage kids who do not realize the world does not revolve around them

I am simply tired.......of living for today at least :-)

I love all of you who help me get through one day at a time