Working from home today as I had a bit of a headache. Long week/weekend with ups and downs but many reminders of my powerlessness over others behaviors and reactions. Hell, I seem to be powerlessness over my own behaviors and reactions too often.
I have really tried to keep this a place where I don't participate in the too often seen on other blogs "My ex-wife is a bitch" rant. All situations have differing viewpoints and one is never the gospel truth over the other. I am just tired of always getting new correspondence from her atty to mine about things she could have simply asked me about or are just not reasonable. The latest being a dispute over $340 from last September (School supplies) that she now implies means that I am late in my support payments and she is going to claim both kids on her taxes, even though the decree says we split them and I have already filed my taxes. Saying this will gain her $3,000 on her filing and invalidate mine, she has said we can avoid the whole thing if I just pay her $3,000 - What The Fuck!
- She gets 50% of my net income plus all of her income and I have paid her early every month
- She gets 40% of any annual bonus I were ever to get while she keeps 100% of hers
- She kept the house (that could not be sold) and EVERY SINGLE ITEM in the house that is mortgaged in my name alone
- I pay 1/2 the association fee and external maintenance on a house I do not live at
- She kept the newer car that had the loan in my name alone
- I pay 1/2 of all activity fees and 2/3 of all medical bills
- I paid 70% of my income during the 2+ years we were separated so that all the home bills were paid while I lived in a basement with no windows.
I have always paid on time (before time) and still paid for haircuts and clothes for the kids because she tells them to ask me to. I look at some of the ex-husbands on some of the blogs I read like Shibari or deadbeat fathers like Babushka had to deal with. I am not looking for a medal just a realization for PB that I am doing my part with our kids and with her.
I have admitted 100 times over that I was not the greatest husband and apologized over and over. I have accepted my part but left because of an inability to forgive me - I get that and can live with that.
But when is it enough - when is it that PB will finally be able to move on and no longer feel the need to make sure "I don't get away with hurting her"
I do not control that, but I fear that day will never come. I do not like what this does to the kids or to Babushka, but I cannot drop to her level - they need a role model and so do I.
Glad I have role models that walk through tough times with dignity and grace.
I love you Babushka!! Thanks for being such a wonderful role model