Monday, April 30, 2007
My Babushka had a challenging weekend preparing for her renter. So much responsibility falls on her shoulders. I am always in awe of the internal strength she has as a single mother and primary breadwinner. Some of that pressure got to her and I seemed unable to be of much true value - a little manual labor, a shoulder to lean on and a few sympathetic words.
This inability to be there as much as I would like this seems like a mere precursor. Between Dude's baseball and Punkin's softball, the next couple months will be kid-intensive. "Hump-Day" will be practice and games rather than fun and games with Babushka. The loss of nekkid time with Babushka really butters my buns. I have become accustomed to our unfettered time together.
The loss of this 'selfish' time makes me look at the larger, longer picture. I try not to do that too often - it is a foundational tenet of Recovery that we only have today. With that said, it feels some days like there will always be these separate lives. My desire to be honorable in leaving my past life will ultimately deny me the joy found in my new life.
I struggle with that when it comes to Babushka. She has persevered so much and is due so much more than I can give right now - she deserves every day not just Hump Day.
Sometimes life gets' busy living before you are ready
Thursday, April 26, 2007
So Babushka IM's me yesterday that she needs to deep clean her downstairs apartment in preparation for her new renter and therefore will pass on a ride home. Of course I tease her with a little "No Hump-Day Humping" teasing, to which we both laugh and proceed with the day. Just before she is to leave she IM's me and asks if I can just take her to her car so we can see each other (she parks at a park and ride and takes the bus into downtown). I am more than happy to help. As we are driving to her car I ask if she would like help with the cleaning and dusting for an hour before my meeting - no 'ulterior motives'. She agrees and tells me how wonderful I am to her. About 5 minutes later in the drive she says "Let's have sex instead". I tell her no - that we need to get her apartment clean.
Once at her house she goes into her bedroom to change out of work clothes while I stay out in the living room. She yells out "You sure you do not want to have sex?". I figure this is a perfect opportunity to tease her a little more before we clean so I go in. Wearing only her thong and bra, I walk up behind her and begin kissing her neck. With one hand I reach into the front of her thong and rub her clit - with the other I play with her asshole. As her eyes close and her moaning begins to increase, I stop and say "Let's go clean". I turn and walk toward the door. Before I get there the door slams shut, my pants are yanked to my feet and my head is pulled into the beautifully trimmed pussy now laying on the bed.
Well, the apartment is still dusty but our pipes are clean (well technically, mine are cleared and hers are filled). I sure do love Hump Day............Which leads to Thursday and HNT!
Last week was a slight glimpse of those lovely 34DD's. This week provides a little more insight - Happy HNT everyone
Get Busy Livin' and Get Busy Lovin'
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I have become one spoiled Kahuna indeed. Hump day has become "were gonna hump" day for Babushka and I. It just so happens that schedules allow for about a one hour period of 'Nekkid' time. Nekkid time leads to one happy Kahuna.......and Babushka seems to enjoy herself as well!
With this said, it is odd to blog of 'Nekkid' time following Babushka's most beauteous entry on Saturday. I had to take a few days to change topics. I was hoping she could introduce me to this wonderful man she was describing. I knew it wasn't me when I read that he "never has a negative word or utters a swear word".
Her eloquence is humbling and reminds me of her inner beauty. My Babushka is simply the most beautiful, loving, positive and inspiring woman I have ever known. She sees the best in people and in challenging situations - Her glass is always half full. She makes me strive to be a better person tomorrow than I am today - to become the man she describes and the man she deserves.
And to think: my plan on Sunday was to blog about our Friday night sleepover filled with hours of sweaty sexual interludes, multiple orgasms and a vibrating butt plug
Oh well, there is always tomorrow...........and with any luck an opportunity to discuss another Hump-Day fuck-a-thon (who says I don't swear)
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Make the most of yours
Saturday, April 21, 2007
About a year or so ago, I was driving with my mother, telling her about this man. I told her how wonderful, sincere and polite he was. I told her how handsome he was. I told her that he has kids. I told her that something inside me was telling me he was interested in me. But, I also told her that I did not know if he was like others within the company who had tried and failed to make me their "other option". I remember telling her that I really hoped he was not. I would be so disappointed if this man turned out to be just another man looking for just another friend with benefits. I also remember mentioning that he was good, and that I never once heard him say a negative word or swear word. At that point, I remember her telling me that he would not want me, then, because she has heard me swear and feels I have a terrible temper.
Towards mid summer last year, my friend and co-worker mentioned that he had been coming to our area more and more and that she noticed he may be talking to everyone, but always focused on me. I asked around to find out his "status". My boss thought he must be single, because the ring she knew was once there, was there no more.
Wow! Was this good man drawn to me? Could it be true? He was the farthest thing from any "man" (read, "Boy") I had ever known. He was not "Thug", he was not "bad boy". He was grown and stable. He was strong and beautiful. Nah! But, he was flirting. . . I knew he was flirting. . .
I started to find reason to go to his floor and stop in his office to say hello. This prompted him to find more reason to come down to my floor and my area. Finally, one morning something came over me and I had now-or-never nerve. I marched up to his office and asked what his deal was. Was he available? What was the deal with the missing ring? My heart sank. He was married. He said he had just gained too much weight, that it no longer fit. I went back to my desk sad. But, praying that someday I would find a man like that for my very own.
Knowing he was taken, I turned to him as a supportive friend, sharing my dating nightmares and such. He is just that kind of person that anyone can talk to about anything.
As forwards are not really monitored, but not really allowed either, we exchanged email addresses for outside of work. . . Just in case something was worth forwarding. We started emailing outside of work, friendly. . . borderline flirting.
At work, inter-company IM was introduced. This man asked me if I used it. Because, he wanted to test if he set it up properly, but really had no one else he wanted to IM. We IM'ed mostly innocent comments. Until one day he asked if he could talk to me. I knew this was one of those now or never moments for him. So, we walked.
As we walked, he proved everything I had ever believed about him and what a great man he really was. He apologized. He apologized because he felt that he was "using" me for comfort and intimacy. We, as friends, could talk about anything. It made him feel good to be around me and talk to me. I always had something nice to say to him. He told me that he had been down the path of infidelity once before and that, because of how highly he though of me, he needed to acknowledge that our friendship was fulfilling the intimacy that was lacking in his relationship. He said that if there was ever to be anything between us, he wanted it to be honorable. This was a difficult situation and he would not let his actions cause doubts in the future. That it was not fair to me.
I told him that his friendship meant the world to me. I told him that he was a good man that I was proud to call my friend. I admitted that I had hopes and dreams of having a good man like him in my life. And, that I would always adore him, no matter what.
We walked back to the office.
Not too long after that, we were going through a conversion which required he be at the office on a Saturday. I found a reason to stop in because I was concerned about him and wanted to sit and talk. I loved talking to him about anything and everything. I talked to him about my lack of luck with internet dating. He shared just a bit more of his home life with me. It wasn't a story or a line. I could see the hurt in his eyes.
Then the day came. He told me that he wanted to walk me out to my bus. On the way, he gave me a letter and told me it was what I needed to know about him. I could see the pain and the fear in his eyes. I didn't quite know what I would find in that letter.
I boarded the bus, and started reading. It was many pages in length, typed out. It was a very sad letter. It was a very beautiful letter. It was a brutally honest letter. It was him opening himself to me and being totally transparent. I cried.
I was so moved, I called him the moment I walked into my house and told him that I accepted him for all that was written. There was nothing in the letter that lessened my opinion of him. I think I shocked him. I know I shocked him because about all he said was that class was starting and he had to get inside.
That night, I wrote him a email containing all the reasons he could use to turn away from me. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. I wrote until I was sure I had touched on at least one thing that would make him lose interest in me. I sent it off. I think he got it the next day. Guess what!?! He called me to tell me that there was nothing in my email that lessened his opinion of me. He did not care about the things that made others consider me to be "damaged goods", "used up" or nasty.
That was the beginning of Kahuna and Babushka. Right or wrong, judge us or not, that was how we became to be.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'. . . Kahuna found the strength to get busy livin.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
- It is warm and sunny up here in the no-longer frozen tundra
- I finally got a digital camera
- I finally kinda, somewhat can use it -Real men don't read directions :-)
- I will be spending time with my kids - now dubbed 'Dude' and 'Punkin'
- My Babushka and I are approaching our 6-month celebration of our 1st kiss.
Today is about HNT and Babushka - two of my favorite things that go together like chocolate and peanut butter.
The photo below comes from yesterday's virgin attempt at photography. Hump Day has become our own "Hump Day". Given Babushka's monthly visitor yesterday, she was consoling me during our walk that we might not get any Nekkid time. After much unsuccessful negotiation on my part for "other options", I finally proclaimed I was not the least bit worried as she could not keep her hands off me anyway.
20 minutes after this photo Babushka's sultry eyes were gazing at my wincing face. My hard cock being stroked to glorious orgasm by her soft hands - cum spurting on her tummy.
Being new at the whole picture-taking thing, I realize how difficult it really is to take HNT photos worthy of the subject being photographed. I ask for patience and promise to practice, practice, practice - Looks like Babushka will be getting nekkid on a regular basis!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Sometimes its good to be right!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
It was a difficult weekend and early week for me. No matter how "amicable" two people say their extraction from each other's lives will be, it never truly can be. Years of bringing out the worst in the other person do not go away quickly.
I reverted to some old addictive behaviors a couple nights ago - A long-ago learned behavior to mask out the pain and fear. It saddened me and hurt me tremendously, knowing I had taken that step backward.
But I did not hide from it -I faced it and owned it. I discussed it with my Babushka and with my friends who support my recovery. Bringing out this inner darkness was a big step for me - progress. Something I would not have done last year - at least not to the level of transparency I did to my lovely Babushka.
Her grace toward me in a time of fear and pain is something I have never known and could never forget. It is a grace she gives to everyone - people who have hurt her, stolen from her or defamed her character. I am always in awe of her and am reminded of a passage:
"Be kind and compassionate to one another,I am blessed indeed - I Adore You my lovely Babushka
forgiving each other,
just as in Christ God forgave you."
Kahuna, you are my friend, my love and my angel who makes my heart smile. Thank God for allowing me the honor of being your friend, your love and your angel.
Get Busy Livin or Get Busy Dyin. . . We do not have to die anymore.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
My lovely Babushka had a stressful start to her week. A co-workers daughter from one of our regional offices died earlier in the week. She was 5 years old and died of cancer. The father works for our company. The father and daughter stayed with Babushka last year when the girl came to the frozen tundra for specialized children's treatment. It never ceases to amaze me how giving, loving and caring for others that Babushka is. As with most challenges she has faced, Babushka is walking through her pain of loss with dignity and grace.
In dedication to a brave little girl who left us much too soon...........
Sexuality - Part 1
So yesterday afternoon, I offer Babushka a ride to her car as I am wont to do. She brings to my attention that she has the laundry off her bed (inside joke) and there is plenty of room for us to have sex. Given the events earlier in the week I had not allowed myself to think of sex - rather I had running through my head what a perverted and horrible person i would be IF I thought of sex with Babushka while she was grieving. This again is an old tape resurfacing from my past life that sexual thoughts are inappropriate and addictive.
Knowing I needed to rise above the shame of my past, I knew I needed to suck it up and be there for my Babushka. If sex was what she wanted then sex is what she will get - All I do is Give, Give, Give :-).
I took control - I got her nekkid, blindfolded her and laid her on her bed. I wanted her to relax and let go of the emotions of the week. I got out our favorite massage oils, lubricants and toys. I slowly and gently licked, kissed and rubbed her body - her legs, feet, tummy and breasts. I admit that I just adore her body - I could spend all day there.
Anyhow I saved her beautifully wet pussy and ass for last. Bringing her close to the edge of ecstasy and then moving back to other parts of her body, letting her sexual tension build but not be fulfilled. It was so fun to tease her - watching her try to not let me know she was close to cumming (too cute - she is loud and active in her pre-orgasmic state).
Keeping tabs on our time constraints, I finally brought her to an explosive climax - Vibrating plug in her pussy, vibrating egg in her ass and my mouth/tongue on her clit. I LOVE making her cum like that - so strong that she literally squeezes the plug out if her pussy and pushes my head away - so sensitive I cannot even touch her.
Once her orgasm subsided to a point where she caught her breath and spasming subsided, I entered her, removed her blindfold and we made love. Babushka's declaration of her "cleared bed" was her wanting to be sexual - to be intimate. Sex and intimacy can be and are in fact a powerful component in the healing process of humans.
Sexuality - Part 2
Part 1 was much longer than anticipated so I will keep this brief (yeah - right). Going from no sex in my past life, one would think that the events of Part 1 would have left me 'done' - I am not 20 anymore. Last Night, I was checking my fantasy sports, catching up on other blogs and found myself horny. So at around 11:00 I was looking at a couple PicPost entries having a self-induced Orgasm.
In my past life, this act was without question a recovery "slip", subject to the guilt, shame, second guessing and questioning of my sexual integrity. Last night I did not feel this at all - I did not feel as if this was wrong or addictive. I was not running from any uncomfortable feelings or actions - just enjoying my sexuality.
Fast-forward to 4:00am this morning. It is not uncommon for me to awaken at this time in the morning with a raging hard-on. This morning, I slowly awaken from my slumber to find myself...... rubbing one out my bed! I am lying on my stomach, hands at my crotch applying pressure. Not only that, I find myself on the verge of and then having an extremely intense orgasm as fully come to my senses. What is even stranger - there is no semen!!! I had a wet dream / dry hump.
What the hell is this!?!?! What's next - my voice is going to change and my face break out??
I finally got my new camera so I can fully participate in displaying my Babushka in all her (Half-Nekkid) beauty. Of course I have no pictures taken or available to load (I am a dork). So for the 2nd and hopefully last week I give you our Babushka celebrity HNT participant - Jewel DeNyle'.
Good Day All and Get Busy Livin!!!!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Finally there always seems to be those two lost souls who just 'click' when they are around each but circumstances prevent them from following their hearts (Jim and Pam). Everyone else seems to see the potential before the two co-workers do. When I see Jim and Pam it inevitably reminds me of Babushka and myself.
I remember back in the day when I would use any excuse to walk down to her area and meet with her boss or visit with her cohorts. Always, this was nothing more than an excuse for me to see her smiling face. I would always try to 'be funny' with everyone else but her laugh was the one I waited for. I could go on for hours but I am grateful for what we have now - a budding relationship without any embarrassment or need to hide from others around our own Dunder Mifflin.
I was reminded of all this while hearing Jenna Fischer (Pam) make the rounds for 'Blades of Glory'. As is often the case, people assume that the character she plays (Reserved, Shy, etc.) would be who she is in real life. You can tell that Jenna is taking this movie as her opportunity to dispel that myth. Again I think of my Babushka, whose 'character' at work is polite, respected, respectfully proper.
The joy that I now get to enjoy is the 'real' Babushka - just as the real 'Jenna' is emerging. The below is an extract from Jenna Fischer's interview in Esquire magazine.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
By Jenna Fischer - (Jenna Fischer stars in NBC's The Office and in the upcoming figure-skating comedy Blades of Glory)
1. If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble.
2. When you tell us about a business lunch you had with a woman, it's a good idea to tell us that she's fat, ugly, old, or a lesbian. Preferably, all of them.
3. PMS is real. It's chemical, and it sucks. If someone told you that every thirty days you were going to get jacked repeatedly in the nuts, you'd be pissy around day twenty-six, too.
4. When we say, "I don't feel connected," the only appropriate response is, "I feel it, too. Let's go out for a nice dinner and reconnect." Try it. You will get laid.
5. If you can locate the following items in our home -- tape, casserole dish, Christmas ornaments -- you will get laid.
6. If you act excited about the bath mat we bought at Target, you will get laid.
7. We really want to have kids. That is, until you want to have kids. Then: "Hey, slow down. What about my career? It's my body. I'm not just a depository for your sperm, you know. Fuck off. Wait, come back. I'm sorry about that. It's sweet you want to have kids. Let's talk about it in a year."
8. You know what's really gay? Football. Instead of watching it, just have sex with another dude once a year. Get it all out of your system at once.
9. We can make a "celebrity safe list" if you want. But I am way more likely to get Patrick Dempsey to fuck me in a bathroom than you are to get Lindsay Lohan to suck you off in your car.
10. Okay, wait. Maybe not Lindsay Lohan. But you know what I mean.
I laughed my ass off and then I thought of my Babushka. I adore you sweetie and also want to get laid - Now where in the world is that damn casserole dish!!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'.....
.....and get busy learning about all sides of each other
Thursday, April 5, 2007
These ups and downs have been personal, professional and emotional. It is exactly this type of week that emphasizes for me what is important. Times of challenge and uncertainty show our true character, that is what I have heard. Not sure I believe all of that, but I do feel that our response to pressure is a good barometer of our internal confidence and well-being.
My response to the week has been to reach out to others, to trust them with my pain and my confusion. To face rather than medicate. I recall the past I left and why I left it. I medicated less to mask the confusion but to forget the hopelessness of knowing it did not matter. Without the hope of pleasure or happiness, the rest seems irrelevant On the other hand, with hope there is nothing to truly fear, nothing to medicate from. Suit up and show up.
What does this have to do with Half Nekkid Thursday? Nothing other than my Babushka. I am out of photos for her so instead I present her lookalike - Jewel De'Nyle.
Not only do they share good looks but an affinity for all things sexual. Take today -at the end of a stressful day, my Babushka finds relief in exercising her hands....around my cock. Beats a stress ball any day!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Funny how relieving her stress also relieves mine!!!
Monday, April 2, 2007
Well, I am back! Did you miss me? Friday morning I did a 4 hour drive to my parents to surprise my BuddyLuv. It was so cute! He tried so hard to ACT surprised! But, alas, his great grandmother told him I was coming, and he could not not tell me he knew. Friday - Monday was spent with my folks and BuddyLuv. I took him 4wheeling, which did not last long because of the rain/snow. But, BuddyLuv yipped, yelled and laughed the whole time We drove 35 minutes to see the new WalMart and my father at the potatoe factory where he took a job after retirement. And, I saw my parents happy. It was amazing and heart warming!
You may remember my statements about not really rememebering much before the age 13. After the age 13, the most prevelant memories I have are of how unhappy my parents were. I truly disliked my father and wished many times he would go away. Other fathers just up and leave! Why wouldn't he do the same? Looking back, well, hind sight is 20/20. He married the woman he loved, but could do nothing right by her (acording to her very vocal family). He worked a terrible, physical job to pay the bills and keep food on the table. He lived in a place he did not want to be. He wanted to be close to his kids, but did not know how. His father had issues with addiction and was killed in a hunting accident when he was 17. . . and there at the scene. He did not know how to be close. He did not know how to be a father beyond paying the bills. He did not know how to be the "man" my mother wanted. But, because my mother was the only one who was ever on my side. . . The only one I THOUGHT was on my side. . . I could not see all of this. All I could see was tough love and distance.
But, now. . . Now things are different. My dad laughs. My dad cries. My dad has somehow found peace. Life may not be as he dreamt it would be, up there in the woods, miles away from everyone else. But, still, he found peace. I still see traces of the father I knew (and, yes, they scare me sometimes. . . but, thats because I think of stories I was TOLD, nothing I remember).
I love my father. Though I wish to God it would not have taken a 4 hour move and other things to bring him to this place. But, I am thankful for everything that has happened because my dad now smiles. It is good to have peace in your heart. I am thankful that I was blessed with that peace so early on in life.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dying'. . .
After 57 years, my father is finally getting busy livin'. I am proud of you, dad!