Friday, August 29, 2008

Things just aren't that bad

Last night, Kahuna and I finally got to spend some time together. This, that and the other thing have kept us apart far too much this week. I feel like I keep jinxing us by thinking or saying that things cannot get worse and are going to get better.

Sunday we found out my niece, Peanut (11), lost a friend to meningitis. There was now panic that it was the "bad one" and my sister's family may have to be treated because the kids had just played together recently, plus my mom and BuddyLuv were at my sisters house on Saturday. Which, by extension, means we ALL may need to be treated. It was not the "bad one" and if the hospital would have taken her seriously the first time she was brought in, she would not have passed. Instead, they had to take her in a second time at which point she was air-vacced to another hospital where she passed.

Monday I had to take BuddyLuv to the Dr because he has pneumonia and is not getting any better. His cough was so bad, they thought he had whooping cough. He does not.

Monday I was told by a man at work that I cause him to feel a little something something and that I shouldn't dress as nice as I do because I don't want to get raped. Yep, thats what he said. . . Just a week ago, I had mentioned to co workers when we were out for dinner that he made me uncomfortable. Come to find out, he has made others uncomfortable. He just never crossed that line with them.

Kahuna was here for me, exactly how I needed him to be.

Tuesday I had to deal with the aftermath of Monday's incident. I faced him with supervisor/director present and told him what line he had crossed and how his "compliment" affected me.

Tuesday my niece, Princess, was tested for cancer. Though they do not know what the growth is on her bone, it is not cancer.

Tuesday BuddyLuv, Kahuna and I had to go to orientation. It is funny how they "ask" for a donation to cover things like the planners that are handed out and such. Then the teacher remarks that she will be following up with parents who forget to send in the donation. Huh? Then again, this is the same teacher who advised the kids to put their locker combination inside their lockers in case they forget the combination. BuddyLuv has the same dang English teacher he had last year. The same teacher we STRUGGLED with all year long. The same teacher I had to contact the principal about!

Kahuna and I just disconnected. It was terrible and it was icky. I was sure something was "different" with or bothering Kahuna. I could feel it in my gut. I was wrong, at that moment. I guess you could say it was more a feeling of what was to come.

Wednesday Kahuna was already irritated because of having to fight with PB about September bills. Then we exchanged emails not of our character, showing our disconnect. He had to meet PB at the cable company to have his name taken off it. That night, we were the most disconnected we have ever been. It hurt.

Thursday Kahuna and I do not start the day off if a good place, make things worse by being too direct, deal with PB and more crap that she has pulled. . .

Then, Thursday night, Kahuna goes to work out, goes to an AA meeting and comes over. The instant he walks in the door, things are better. . . for both of us. . . I hold him, he holds me. I kiss him, he kisses me. BuddyLuv shouts out that he can hear us kissing. We talked about things a little bit.

I wish I could remember the exact verbiage we used. But, basically, we agreed that:

Things are just not right when we are not together.
And, things just aren't that bad when we are.

This morning, I feel like I have my Kahuna back. And, I hope he feels like he has his Babushka back.

Get Busy Livin or Get Busy Dyin. . .
This is it, this is life, and we are living!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The power of truth and honesty

It has been a beautiful week again.

It has been a week filled with the continued saga that is Kahuna's seemingly never ending divorce. She found a way to stop her PB foot to try and extort more $$ by demanding more that is in no way connected to the divorce precedings and threatening to NOT sign the already agreed upon documents unless she get it.

It has been a week filled will challenges and memories surrounding out sobriety in the form of haunting dreams and my momentary guilt that I was not there to hold him through the dreams. That guilt soon turned into pride. He was ok. Kahuna had a rough night, but knew I was there even if I was not.

It has been a week filled with health concerns in the form of BuddyLuv being 4 hours away and having pnemonia. My princess niece (9) (not to be confused with PB) broke her leg which has lead to the finding of a "growth" on her bone that must be tested this coming week.

It has been filled with sex! Wonderful, body rocking sex! Toys! Intimace! Fucking! Love making!

It has been filled with beautiful, special, quiet, intimate moments. Moments when we danced to no music at all in the kitchen. Moments where we had difficult scary, raw, emotional discussions, exposing dreams and fears, being vulnerable and growing even closer than we have ever been. Moments that made me remember that we are not "waiting" for us to begin. We are here and now.

Get busy livin or get busy dyin?
We are living the life we are given, not waiting for the life that may or may not ever be!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

TMI #148

Are you truly politically correct? Be honest.

Kahuna – In my professional life I would say that I probably play the political game most of the time. In my personal life am politically incorrect at all costs and dislike intently the nonsense of ‘not offending anyone” and that everything is discriminatory toward everyone. People need to lighten up (or shut up).

Specifically around the election season I get my greatest sense of enjoyment on arguing the opposite opinion of anyone who is (in this case) a big advocate of either Obama or McCain. They are both politicians which by necessity to survive in that line of work makes them ethically challenged, morally deficient and conveniently ignorant. Babushka and I quibble about this, specifically her hatred of one Mr. G. W. Bush (I on the other hand love Bush, even when it is shaved clean!!). I have just never understood the personal hatred so many people seem to have toward him – he is a verbally challenged politician which for me provides great laughter at his inability to coherently put a sentence together but he is no more evil or dishonest than any other Democrat or Republican in this country.


Will you ever streak in public during rush hour?

Kahuna – I cannot imagine doing this, as I would prefer to save the public at large the horror.

Would you ever do something sexual in public (more than 20 people around)?

Kahuna – I could see Babushka and I doing something fun and naughty in public, as long as there were no chance of being arrested.

Do you ever not have good table manners?

Kahuna – Sure, when I am around family I am more than willing to burp or fart at the table.

Do you ever fantasize about a public sexual act? Describe.

Kahuna – I will admit that I do not really fantasize about ‘sexual acts’ per se since I have been with Babushka (as opposed to the constant fantasizing that occurred during my marriage). I think that has much to do with the fact that Babushka and I actually have a sex life (unlike my marriage). We are pretty much open about fantasies so if I did want to ‘have at it in the middle of the mall’ I would just tell her rather than dream about it.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Describe.

Kahuna РAlthough this is not really risqu̩, I admit a fantasy of mine 3 years ago was a daydream involving a hot fuck session with Babushka culminating with her cumming on my face........MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!

Friday, August 8, 2008

It is Over.....

....but I do not feel much like celebrating today. It is a strange place to be today, not the feeling I thought I would have when this started 20 months ago.
  • Yesterday I was accepting of the end result with the judge.............Today I am less accepting and again feeling that I have been made the fool
  • Yesterday I was anticipating an ability to finally adopt a better lifestyle...........Today I realize my lifestyle will continue to be in a basement with a 10-year old dented car for a much longer time
  • Yesterday I was dreaming of the endless possibilities for Babushka and I..................Today there is seemingly a reality that both Babushka and I are seeing which is perhaps not endless after all

Funny how often this sort of thing wait an eternity for something and once it finally arrives it is not what you expected.

Life is like that

Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
A shout out to the person responsible for the quote above - apparently he was too busy living rather than driving. I wish him a speedy recovery.

Its over

The divorce is over.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Weekend that Was

It was indeed a lovely weekend spent with my favorite people: Babushka, Pumpkin (aka Peaches), BuddyLuv and Dude.

All five of us went to the horse racing track on Friday night and had a wonderful time. Neither Babushka or I are gamblers but it is a blast watching the kids get so excited when the have $2 riding on their favorite horse.

Saturday afternoon four of us went to play miniature golf(Dude is 15 and much too busy with friends to spend two days with us). Once again it was a blast - the park we went to is beautiful, with ponds and wildlife. We then came home, made dessert and played games together. This morning we had a lovely breakfast and after Babushka and BuddyLuv went home Pumpkin and I had a very special heart-to-heart talk.

The weekend was a wonderful illustration of what life should be like more often for all of us - memorable times spent with the ones we love.