Just a Letter

This is a blog of gratitude. The only time I panic is when I think too much. Yesterday, when work was slow, and many were out, I started to think. . .

What if we are wrong?

What if this doesn't work?

What if we are kidding ourselves that we can succeed?

What if I am subconsciously doing this to myself, wanting to sabotage the best thing that has ever happened to me?

Being there the last hour and 1/2 basically by myself, no calls coming in at all, really made me hyper-focus. The end of the work day came. I cried all the way to get BuddyLuv. We loaded the truck with most of the remaining boxes. He was so excited, I didn't share with him my fears. I just let him talk.

On top of that, I panic when I get to the new home and realize I don't have the slightest idea how to get from where I am to the basement where you are. . .

Then. . .

I see you. And, although I do not forget those thoughts, they pass. As I have said before, everything is just a little bit easier when you are around.

It was 1:40 a.m. when I awoke. I had another nightmare. But, the funny thing is, once I was able to wake myself up, I smiled. Why?

What if we are wrong? So what? If we are wrong, and I have faith that we are not, we will have spent the most beautiful moments together. I have no doubt that, if we are wrong, the moment will have been worth being wrong in the end.

What if this doesn't work? So what? Again, if we are, I would never give up the "right" because in the end we are "wrong".

What if we are kidding ourselves that we can succeed? So what? I refuse to allow fears of what if to run my life anymore than they have to!

What if I am subconsciously doing this to myself, wanting to sabotage the best thing that has ever happened to me? I will not do this. Instead, I will take a leap of faith and enjoy the happiness of the best thing that has ever happened to me!

Thank you, Kahuna. Thank you for being you and thank you for everything.

Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'?
I choose life.

114 Hours

114 Hours Until we have our home!

TMI #174 - Kahuna

1. What is your favorite charity? Do you you give your time or just money to that charity?
I am not a real fan of giving to charity - perhaps it is my overly skeptical nature. Every year our company has a United Way pledge drive and my boss is never happy that I am the one leader who will not participate. I prefer to give my time and financial resources to individuals whom are in need.

2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?
Right now I sleep on my futon in the basement I rent but in 4 weeks I will be sleeping in the right side of a bed with my wonderful Babushka

3. How important is a partners kissing ability?
Babushka is such a wonderful kisser that I take it for granted, but the ability for a person to convey affection in their kiss is very important to me.

4. Have you ever "taken advantage" of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been "taken advantage" of while under the influence of alcohol?
Back in my single days in Maui, I would need to answer affirmative to both sides of the question. Sadly alcohol had much too much influence on all behaviors in my life early on.

5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?
Not intentionally, but reflecting back on #4 there was a time or two where a trip to the beach occurred.

Bonus (as in optional): What kind of birth control do you use?
The big V for me.

Happy VDay

Hugs and Kisses

Loving Wishes

to All!

Happy Valentine's Day

~Babushka

TMI #173 - Kahuna

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
I cannot really think of one for a woman (Babushka) - perhaps the inside of the nose?

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
Under....but it does amaze me that people actually care

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
Not that I can recall, although Babushka and I did just talk about this yesterday morning, but we are just too darn dependable.

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? Id so, at what age?
Not really - I think my dad hoped his 3-year supplies of Playboy and Gallery magazines would do the job.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
Babushka already knows, but anal stimulation right before I cum makes me explode (not literally but you know what I mean).

Bonus (as in optional):What does sex mean to you?
It sounds sappy, but sex to me is intimately sharing my physical and spiritual self with the woman I love.

So much to say - so little time :-)

Life is just moving at full speed! babushka sold her house (a great relief) and we need to get her moved by the end of the month. Babushka and I have an accepted purchase offer to buy a home!!

A little over two weeks ago we were stressed over being able to find a place to rent - we turned it over to our higher power (OK - my higher power / her God) and 17 days later we are buying a beautiful home. There is a 3-week period where all of us will be in my 'basement' which will be interesting - we will be a close family!!!! BuddyLuv will be changing schools sooner than we had initially planned but he seems genuinely excited about it.

We went looking at all the stuff for a new house (blinds, appliances, etc.) which was just so much fun. Then we went and looked at engagement rings, which turned into less fun. This is a delicate issue for us that I think both Babushka and I try to have humor with one another about, but there are underlying fears and expectations. I am proud of us that we do not try to ignore it when it comes up. It is an area of growth that both of us can continue to explore our feelings/viewpoints about and what has occurred in our pasts to develop the different ways we look at marriage and what things are important to one another. I am confident that together we can overcome.

You know - We have been so neglectful of our blog the last few months. I was thinking today I do miss the regular participation in TMI, HNT and other things. I was reading a few of the 'naughty meme's' that circulated this weekend and realize I also miss the sexual side of our blog as well. I am reminded of the saying 'those who talk about sex aren't having it' and perhaps the reverse is true. Through all the stuff going on, we have been active - this weekend overly active!!! We ran the gamut of oral, anal, vaginal - the only thing we did not get to include were our toys, as they are packed for the move (much to my dismay). It just amazes me how wonderful sexuality can be when it is in its proper place - not the most important but a close 2nd or 3rd!!

Look forward to life getting little more calm by late spring, but I would not trade it for anyone else's life.

Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
'Just living the dream - Nick Bakay'

6 weeks

6 weeks from today, we will be spending our first full day in our new home! Our home!