The Holiday Season....

....is finally over (hooray for a humbug like me), although it has been an odd holiday season indeed.

Spent with my parents, rather than my Babushka and our brood. Although we were able to skype it was just not the same. I admit I do not miss the pressure of a tree or the decorations or the chaos, but being back with just my parents makes me realize I do miss all of what Babushka and her family have brought to my life. THEY DRIVE ME FUCKING NUTS!!!

I am soooo glad they live 3,000 miles away. I love them but we get along so much better over the phone.

I get to leave sometime this week - then I can at least get back and focus on the confusion I seem to feel around Babushka.

FUCK THEY ARE HOVERING AGAIN - GAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Sometimes you are the bug.....

That is how life feels right now. I am in the lone star state, tending to my mother who just started her cancer treatments. I am with my parents, whose dysfunction is on display every day I am here.

I left behind a wife with a fractured kneecap, whose sister is now being diagnosed with cancer. A wife I miss dearly but am afraid she would be better off with someone who can be there for her.

I left behind a blended family that was just beginning to gel, but is now becoming distant again.

I had a sexual life I thought could get no better, yet now it seems so long ago that it was healthy.

I am tired and I am lonely......life seems to be less about livin' and more about not dyin' a day at a time. I am sad about where life seems today and it feels so far from where it once was.

I may be simply whining, but I miss where I was just a few months ago and fear what 2011 is planning to bring.

Twice as nice........

Not really,

I never thought that life would get this difficult.

I do not regret a single moment, but there have been times in the last 2 months that I just do not understand what God has in mind for me:

• 2 child surgeries
• 2 automotive investments
• 1 mother with Cancer
• 1 father who cannot face the truth
• 1 wife with a fractured kneecap
• 1 ex-wife who is just an ex-wife
• 3 teenage kids who do not realize the world does not revolve around them

I am simply tired.......of living for today at least :-)

I love all of you who help me get through one day at a time

Forgive me father far it has been 4 months since my last confession...

Kahuna has not felt much like blogging.....simply due to the fact I do not know what to blog about. Babushka and I are doing very well. The three teens are keeping us on our toes (to say the least).

From a sexual standpoint we are enjoying ourselves. Babushka has started to enjoy taking the lead, as in taking on a mistress role. This has been a big step for her, being in control. In her previous relationships, her needs and desires were certainly secondary. Before now she was submissive and not because she wanted to be.

It was a big step for her to try to be in charge. I am so proud of my Babushka that she could overcome her fears and allow me to be her slut once in a while.....happily it occurs with much more regularity now.

As she sits and laughs at me for something random we were joking about with our middle son, I am so grateful that she is in my life. I love my Babushka so much.


Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Four years tomorrow and going strong!!!!

Mid-Blog Crisis

Seems that is where I sit today. In looking at my last few entries it seems to me that I am trying way too hard to "sexualize" my entries. Not that there is anything wrong with writing about these activities but it does seem to narrow the scope and content of the blog and what it represents, although I do not believe I can even answer that right now. Given that, my thoughts will likely ramble.

Point in case - I am struggling with being out of school. All the while I was there I was looking forward to the day it would end, which was April. I miss the weekly discipline of going to class and interacting with my classmates. As much as I was looking forward to being done now I am left with "now what". My beautiful Babushka is going back to school (which I am so happy about) bit it is weird not having class..........Now what do I do other than watch over the kids (like that is not a job)

Another Year Older and Deeper In.......

Kahuna turned another page in the chapter of life yesterday. It does amaze me the 44 is so much better than 34 was and a damn sight better than 24.

Babushka was her always wonderful self: Surprise birthday lunch at the office; Surprise birthday song at Bootcamp; Surprise buster bar ice cream cake with family; Surprise lingerie on (her) and hot anal sex as a bit of frosting on the cake!! This was in fact the 4th straight evening of phenomenal sex, which included a little light bondage and blindfolding one evening and many orgasms for us both.

It does amaze me how my life has changed in my 40's. The end of my 30's found me at a crossroads in my life and the starting of this blog. Confused about my sexuality and spirituality and battling my addictions to porn and alcohol - making progress but never able to fully overcome.

Today my life is so much more than it was - most days joyful, some days painful and every day engaged in the world around. Each day is a new opportunity to succeed (or fail) independent from the day before. And each day is spent with my lovely Babushka, whom was the answer to the midnight dreams that accompanied my previous life. She is still the apple of my eye whom I adore more each day. All this and a wife who 'asks' to suck my cock when she is restless, as making me cum helps her fall asleep.

All I know is my 40's Rock!!!

Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'

Deja Vu all over again

For the second time I will be walking down a commencement aisle - Kahuna is done with school!!! This is an exciting time for both Babushka and I - for the first time since we have been together I will not have to spend three nights and most weekends doing homework.

Babushka's choice of how to congratulate the accomplishment: A blowjob for me from her girlfriend Gigi in the back seat while Babushka drives, continually looking in the rear view mirror and letting us know we need to be louder. My folks will be coming to town next month for the commencement ceremony. Babushka is apparently planning a party. To say I am a lucky man is indeed an understatement.

It is nice to have my nights and weekends back, but it again makes me wonder what will this blog become. Is is a couples relationship blog, a sex blog or a current events blog. Guess it will be what it will be as I get busy livin'.

When is their's ours?

So I mentioned my Babushka has a girlfriend - Gigi. They have a great time together, both best friends and lovers. They have a connection that special, and one that I have occasionally found myself inadequate. No reason mind you, my Babushka is always reminding me that I am 'happily ever after'. Through one of these times of insecurity, Babushka agreed to include me in fun.

A couple weeks ago my Babushka surprised me with a much needed night away. Between work and school I have been stressed. A whirlpool room, where she ran me a bath and told me to relax, closing the door. 10 minutes later she opened the door, and there she stood with her Gigi - One in a new camisole and the other in garter and hose. The next 24 hours were rockin'.

This is not the first time the three of us have been together, but I do not see this as a true menage. I am invited on occasions to join their fun. But as enjoyable as that is (and it always is) I do have a sense that I do not rightly belong.

This was supposed to be hers, not ours
This was supposed to be theirs, not ours

To each their own

I was reading Vixen and PC's blog BEV as they journey along the discussion of cuckolding. Although it has not been something that necessarily 'floats my boat', I have been thinking about the similarities and differences between cuckolding and what Babushka and I share; her girlfriend.

Babushka and her girlfriend (and I) have experienced an extremely interesting 2009. I encouraged Babushka to pursue her 'interest' in women. Not coincidentally, her BFF Gigi started to flirt above and beyond the typical girlfriends flirt. I encouraged her to see where this would lead.

It eventually led to a weekend trip with another non-BFF gal. I wrote them a lovely, sexual story for them to share. Babushka and Gigi had their first Girl/Girl time together, covering the others mouth when orgasm approached as to not wake up the very homophobic non-BFF in the queen bed next to them.

As for me, I experienced something that weekend I had never truly felt before - jealousy. I was well read on the pitfalls of many a man encouraging his wife to explore an experience only to act like an ass as soon as it happened. I was determined that would not be me, and although I was not an ass per se, I did feel a sense of insecurity I was absolutely sure beforehand I would not.

That was last summer, and many a twist and turn has occurred since then, which will evolve on these pages.

Get Busy Livin' - and Happy Valentines Day!!

H1N1 HNT......

........is something nobody really wants to see.

I have a butt-load of homework this week for class, so of course I come here to avoid it at least for a few more minutes. The snow continues to fall as I continue to procrastinate.

So last night I come home early from night school because my lovely Babushka is still sick. She wants to lay her head on my chest and cry. We go to bed, watch a little news while she lays against me. She starts to play with my cock, rubbing it and touching it lightly. She feels it grow and slowly slides down to give me head......

Should I stop her? I mean she has been sick for three days and still feels horrible. She knows what I am thinking. "It will help me feel better" she tells me.

So am I selfish or selfless that I let her continue?

Lucky - That's what I am :-)

Four months and counting

Since I last posted.....Between the new family, the holidays, work, school and life - whew!!

H1N1 has run rampant in the house, with 2 trips to the ER in 10 days (first myself and then Babushka last night). I was a skeptic but put me in the converted category - it is brutal!!

Taking care of my Babushka today gives me a little time to reflect. Being married 6 months now has been absolutely wonderful and also eye-opening. No matter how much two people love each other life, and relationships are hard work. How rewarding it is though, when two people work through a challenging item with respect and dignity for each other - even in the midst of a disagreement.

I look forward to being regular again once school is finally over in 82 days (but who is counting). There is lots to talk about, including a girlfriend for my lovely Babushka!

Gotta run - hope 2010 is well and Get Busy Livin!!