........................After the path the last few days of the previous week took:
My desire to take the "high road" in my divorce somewhat derailed. After four days of hell at work and feeling crabby all around I just blasted an email to the XW based on a comment the week before. This led to a brief but loud exchange when I picked up the kids that night.
I am struggling to support two households. 11 months ago I agreed to not selling the house until the end of the upcoming school year (glass half full - halfway home!). This would allow the kids some time for adjustment and EW time to find more of a "permanent job". I guess I did not expect 11 months later to still be paying everything. The EW has seen a "job coach" and is now enrolled in classes to pursue a future career in event planning, but there has been no real "now" employment search. Even with the frustration I have around this, I still feel this sense that I "owe her" for the crappy husband I was in the past. I wonder when that goes away.
Whether or not they are related, my four hellish days (work and personal) coincidentally occurred at the same time I misplaced my anti-depressants. My pride does not want to admit that I may need these indefinitely but the last week seems to point to this.
Sadly, all of this can also take its' toll on my Babushka. My selfishness in wanting to pursue a relationship with her while in the middle of ending my previous one places an unfair and sometimes painful burden upon her. There are times I am disappointed for putting her through this - she deserves so much better. With that said, her post on Friday reminded me of a book she gave me in thanks of my friendship to her during a time of struggle - before were were Babushka and Kahuna.
Inscribed was:
Angels are friends who lift us to our feet when our wings forgot how to fly. Thank you for being my friend and angel.
I could not have said it any better. Thank you Babushka - for being my angel as well.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
I Adore....Therefore I Am Adored
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