Thursday, October 18, 2007

A New Day HNT

A new day is dawning indeed!!!

Babushka and I have been unable to 'connect' in far too long. This has left us both somewhat "Randie" (as Austin Powers would say). This has meant self-connection as the order of the day. That said I swung by the video store to rent a movie for said self-connection purposes.

For many who blog this I am sure is a 'so what' event. For a person who has struggled with pornography addiction all through his youth and marriage this is an action fraught with danger. For anyone who has an addictive personality, you know that much of the power of an addiction comes from its' secrecy:
  • "I am not hurting anyone"......
  • "I am not doing anything wrong".....
  • "It's better than the alternative".....
  • "She won't care".....
  • "She is better off not knowing anyway"......
  • "This is the last time anyway".....
The list could go on ad infinitum. The reality of the guilt and shame felt by the person in addiction proves all of the above excuses (and any others) to be nothing but lies we tell ourself.

So why am I blogging all this? Because yesterday I told Babushka that I was feeling the need to take care of my own business and let her know that I had rented a movie for the task "at hand". This morning we spoke in detail about my evening of "hard work" and the details of the movie (Maison Erotique - Evil Angel).

The most rewarding part of the entire evening was not the orgasm but the intimacy in sharing my fears, my needs, my desires .......the sharing of my transparent self......to my beautiful Babushka.

Instead of ending this entry with my typical tagline I will leave you with a photo of my lovely Babushka and an ability to click for a little bit more - Thanks ~D for all your help!

Babushka is the woman I dreamed about through years of loneliness and sorrow. I never believed she would be anything more than a wish and a whisper.

I am blessed..............

9 comments:

TK Kerouac said...

Interesting post about addictive personality...
Just wondering what the answer is for changing bad habits, bad habits of any kind?
Happy HNT!

Stealth said...

What a sweet post, and wonderful click thru treat.

Thank you for sharing this

Big Kahuna said...

Hi TK - I think the answer can vary but for me the concept of rigorous honesty and the ability to finally be honest (after years of dishonesty) is what allows me to work through my addictive and 'bad' habits. Good to see you - stay warm!!

Stealth - Thanks for stopping by. Perhaps you can help me understand - Are you and Texas Spitfire friends/acquaintances outside of blogland??

I look forward to visiting both of your HNT's after work!

Blissfully Wed said...

Nice post. And what a beautiful pic (and click-through) of your Babushka. It's nice to read of the love that you two share.

HHNT!

~d said...

Your Babushka is (effing) HOT! HOLY!
***
I understand addiction. I live in (fear) of it. It is all over the place in my family.
All sorts!
Umm, as far as the (need/urge) to take care of (one's business)...I understand that too. And for me it is (sometimes) more difficult to SAY it (b/c I am female, and I guess our desires aren't supposed to be that intense...?)
Regardless. I love how you attribute your (confession?) to your love of Babushka.

~d said...

OH! and thank you for the props!
(smile) I am glad you weren't offended by my step by step-ness of directions.
that lady is a beauty!

kisses to you both!

~d

Big Kahuna said...

BW - Thanks for coming by - I always enjoy the both of you and look forward to coming by your site to see your HNT

~D - I say you rub one out whenever you need to. I am lucky that Babushka will call me when possible to share hers when we are not together. To me it was not a confession - that is what I attribute to telling someone after the fact once you are 'caught' - something I am familiar with.

My post was an acknowledgment that Babushka makes me feel loved and safe - for the 1st time I can trust someone with who I am and not hide inside myself.

Shibari said...

Kahuna...
Thank you for your honesty. This was a very tender and touching post. I am so glad that you and Babushka are together... That you fulfill each other ... that is the best kind of love...

Bunny said...

What a gorgeous, gorgeous woman. So wonderful that you found one another . . .