Monday, January 21, 2008

The new Year is Showing Promise

Hello, everyone!

Well, last week was full of ups and downs.

Last weekend 1/11-1/13 was beautiful, with Kahuna spending the majority of the weekend with us starting Thursday. Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! He has easily become a part of the family. On Thursday we went to my niece's basketball game. I am chopped liver when he is around. All of my nieces (Peanut, Princess, Wild Child, Angel baby and Cuddle Bunny) and the little foster boy my sister mothers are totally enamored by him! Princess reminds me a lot of my sister, little Blondie, very shy, doesn't seam to feel like she fits in, not too sure about herself. . . Sadly, even in 4th grade, she is rarely allowed to play because of her untapped and unnurtured abilities. literally, 30 seconds out on the floor and she is pulled off again. In those 30 seconds, she is a super star! We holler, hoot and cheer as loud as we can! She was out there 3 times, about 30 seconds each. After the game, Kahuna went over to share his concerns, assuring the coaches that he knew they would never purposely not play a child at that age for any reason. :-) We went to Culvers and enjoyed frozen custard in celebration of her great work!

Thursday, Friday and Saturday Kahuna stayed with us. Sunday, we had the most delicious dinner, made by Kahuna with help from the nieces. Kahuna has slowly started treading the waters of parenting a child he did not take part in creating. It is not the easiest thing. . . In fact, it is down right scary. My biggest fear is that BuddyLuv will react in some way which makes Kahuna decide, "This is not worth the trouble" and leave. BUT, this is a fear we have discussed many times. Time will alleviate those fears.

Sunday night Kahuna prepared to leave for out state on business. That was the start if the tough times. . .

Kahuna left on Monday of last week. Things just do not feel right when he is away. There is a small part of me that was worried. Kahuna was traveling with someone he cannot stand, to a place he did not want to go, and spent time alone right before the pretrial. I was not worried that he would act out. But, I was worried it would be a struggle to not act out. I knew he could deal with everything on his plate. I just want things to be easy and peaceful for him.

Months back, at our department meeting, a new position was mentioned. I was so excited by it that I went in the next day to ask the director for more details. . . His response, "I am so glad you were the one to approach me about it. I said something because I was hoping you would be interested." For months, we have been discussing it. My input has been requested to build this new position. So, for months, even if I tried not to, I started to get excited by the possibilities.

Fast forward to the Monday Kahuna was gone, frustration was building. My director wants me in that position. He and my supervisor literally wrote the qualifications to try to assist me in qualifying by HRs rules. BUT, Hr does the first go through of apps scoring them all. They are ranked solely on their experience, and only a certain number are offered an interview. Well, it is a coveted senior position. It is two steps up from where I am now, and most of the department (who is already a step above me) is applying. Not that they want the job. Not that they want the duties. Not even that they CAN work the required hours. They just want the pay and title! All week, every time I turned around, someone else was talking about how they were applying for the wrong reasons. Even my team mate who, "never wants more responsibility than", and "never wants to have to lead" is now applying! IF I can get an interview, I will blow them away because this position is a dream come true for me and my true interest in the position and duties is well known. That is, if I get the interview! If HR ranks us by experience, and most of these people applying for the wrong reasons have double my experience. . . Well, it doesn't look good. . . Luckily, because we are IT and HR fully admits they do not really understand the lingo, my supervisor who will oversee this new position can review the apps and increase the interview pool if he wishes, as long as he can do it across the board.

Tuesday was the same as Monday except that my Kahuna came home and straight to our home from the airport.

Wednesday was pretrial day. The date most divorcing parties finally settle on an agreement. The date most divorcing couple can finally move on. Then there is us. Basically, they could not settle on anything because she is not willing to settle for less than 100% of everything (BIG house, almost new car, not having to work, fully supported by Kahuna) until the kids graduate from high school (8 years) and the majority of everything after that until she dies. His bonus is frozen and put into a trust. With the housing market being the way it is, we were also informed that the mortgage payment may be mandated to always be paid (I think he said straight from his check like child support) to ensure the house never goes into foreclosure. I think even all of that I could deal with if it were over. BUT, I also know that there is little chance she will get ALL of this if we can stay strong until the end. We just need to stay strong and not give in. And, when will it end? Well, right now there is another pre-trial to give her another 90 days to try and find a job that is not beneath her that will hire her. Then, we may have a scheduled end date. after that. . .

This was a rough day. But, we made it through to the next day! Back to another Thursday. . . Kahuna stayed home to go to an AA meeting. But, it was not his normal night and there was smoking allowed because of the location. So, he did not stay. Instead, he threw himself into helping me with my application for the promotion. In the meantime, I went to Princess' game. Everyone was sad Kahuna was not there. So, we called him and everyone said hello. I could hear the pain and stress of the week melt away, if only for a few moment. . . This time, she played exactly 1/2 the game. And, she did really well! We celebrated with Culver's again. Kahuna called to talk to Princess to see how everything went.

Friday I got an alarming email from my new renter who has not even moved in yet, but signed the contract. He had concerns. . . a whole list of them. I received the list over email, panicked, took a deep breath (like Kahuna said) and responded back truthfully. Luckily, I believe this was one of those times where things came across differently than they were meant.

Saturday I got to pick up Peanut who is spending the weekend with us. Sunday was graduation day! I was SO PROUD! to be there supporting Kahuna. Peanut and BuddyLuv were also very happy to be there and be a part of the day! I know it was hard for Kahuna to accept the fact that this graduation was not as important to Dude, who was not there. But, I think he still enjoyed himself! I cried! I was so proud! He was the most beautiful graduate there! After graduation, we enjoyed a wonderful dinner at BWW, the football game cuddled up on the couch and a beautiful and powerful orgasm on Kahuna's tongue when we snuck into the bedroom.

Maybe this new year is showing promise.


Big Kahuna said...

You are lovin' the High Speed Internet!!

You are the most amazing woman I have ever known and just love everything about you - especially when you drag me into the bedroom to assist you in a quick orgasm!!!!

Gillette said...

My...sounds like a week, indeed. My life is so quiet and boring in comparison. I'm sending energy your way that you get an interview!

And, man..I continually get amazed at what women get in divorce. I got no alimony and peanuts in child support (3 kids) really peanuts. Beyond peanuts.

Didn't contest because I was a whore and didn't want to make waves...we made it just fine...actually flew.

But, man....

Big Kahuna said...

Thanks for the energy Gillette. Your life is by no means boring and you have already walked the path that I am now.

I am more amazed of the disparity around divorce awards. It seems like either nothing (like you) or everything (like me so far). I never see the compromise that is the supposed goal.

One great thing about recovery and all those around who are so wise is the reminder that pain and anger are natural and should be felt and embraced, not medicated and run from.

Thanks for the support - Our thoughts go back out to you and Loverman to get back that Mojo in 2008!

Gillette said...

Thanks, Kahuna!