Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Please! Someone tell me this is not how 2008 is going to be!?!

Polly Anna is gone. She is long gone!

Today, I am supposed to be at work. Today, I am supposed to be making another presentation on a great idea I had. Instead, I am home without a voice. Luckily, there is no fever. But, there is a virus inside me. What I would not give for it to be Kahuna instead. :-(

This is not the only reason why I believe 2008 is going to be a trying year. On top of being sick, I am scared, frustrated and upset.

Kahuna has now stayed over 2, maybe 3 night. BuddyLuv LOVES it, saying that he sleeps much better with another person in the house! He is even so wonderful as to insist on sleeping on the couch so as to not confuse BuddyLuv! (Of course, late at night, when I will not release his cock from my hands or mouth, we end up spending some time in my room, way after BuddyLuv is asleep) This is a positive move forward. But, it was also last year.

On Sunday, Kahuna and I talked about New Years Eve. We had just discussed seeing Juno, then picking up BuddyLuv and spending the evening here at our house. Kahuna is cooking dinner and I am relaxing because I am starting to admit that I am sick, thought it has been actually a few weeks since I started sucking on cough drops. Kahuna gets a call. No biggie. I am happy that he is comfortable talking to whomever even with me around.

Without going into the long, unimportant details, Kahuna semi-commits to an alternate NYE plan. I did not find this out under ideal circumstances. However, Kahuna and I talk through our feelings and even come up with an alternate plan that seems perfect for everyone involved: Bowling! Kahuna, Dude, BuddyLuv and I go bowling! Low interaction potential, distractions if necessary. I am already "for sure" going to meet Dude in 20 days at Kahuna's graduation. This way, he has met me before he has to sit alone with me! Whats the worst that can happen? We came up with the worst case scenario and. . . It wasn't too bad. . . Perfect Polly Anna plan!

Polly Anna is gone. She is long gone!

NYE comes about. There was a small miscommunication carried over from the evening before. Totally understandable. But, relevant to my feelings today. We talked through the miscommunication. Still wanting to move on from the issues, we continue down the path of the bowling idea.

Kahuna talks to Dude (playing with a friend), who pokes for information. Because Kahuna wanted to discuss in person, all he would give him is that the plan included bowling. Because Dude would much rather play with a friend than spend NYE with his father, now it is looking like there is a chance of 3 of us bowling. . .

Than I get a call that made me loose a heart beat and my blood pressure skyrocket.

Dude isn't coming. Kahuna isn't coming. Kahuna fears he has totally misread Dude for a long time. And, we just made a big mistake in trying to arrange a meeting.

Dude, in person, insisted Kahuna tell him the plan for the evening in front of Dude'sFriend and FriendMother while Dude'sFriend, FriendMother and Dude are out eating. Dude says no, he is not comfortable with it and doesn't want to go (and probably mentions does not want to meet me).

Dude proceeds to invite Dude'sFiend and FriendMother to bowling. (NOTE: FriendMother is also friend if Dude'sMother) Kahuna says no.

Because they had just ordered food for Dude (and Kahuna had to go), that he would be back when they are done eating and then they would discuss this further.

Kahuna calls to confirm they are still there. Nope, they are on their way to the bowling alley. WHAT? Kahuna explains that the bowling alley is booked solid, and that the place they were going bowling at was somewhere else. Dude says then they will go to a different alley. Kahuna says no.

Kahuna ends up at (single) FriendMother's house with Dude, Dude'sFriend and FriendMother being totally ignored the whole evening. Friend was supposed to leave for FriendFather's place at 8. Nope, wanted to stay till later so Dude and Kahuna could stay.

Now, I have mentioned it before to Kahuna. Although FriendMother has somewhat of a boyfriend, I wonder if there was an ulterior motive in the boys' minds. Friends, single parents, NYE. I love my Kahuna and I know he loves me. I also know I have nothing to worry about between us. But, BuddyLuv one had dreams of my dating a single father of a friend of his. . . It is possible. . .

Anyways, so BuddyLuv and I bowled for 3 hours. We had a good time. Though, there were moments I could have easily cried, knowing this was all a bad omen. And, knowing that Kahuna was not having a good night. And, knowing that Kahuna was missing me as much as I was missing him.

BuddyLuv never knew how sad I was. We got home and layed on the couch watching episodes of The Unit, his favorite show. At 12, he kissed me on the cheek and told me this was the best New Year Eve ever.

Yesterday, the first, I got worse. Kahuna and Dude were watching football. BuddyLuv and I watched more movies. I drifted in and out of sleep till I finally gave in and let Kahuna take me to the Dr. Kahuna has to drop Dude off to take me. Strike 2 against me, I am sure. And, we haven't even met, yet.

At the Dr, I am given two prescriptions. I go to fill them and the girl behind the counter comes out to say she is sorry, but the insurance card I gave her is expired. She shrugs her shoulders and says sorry, there is nothing more she can do. We can pay full price and they deal with the insurance later. I, with little voice, show her old cards new cards. She just says sorry. OH SO FREAKING HELPFUL! CUTSIE LITTLE WITCH! She doesn't think to make a call to confirm insurance is closed, just says it is a holiday, they are closed.

The man behind the counter says I need to start taking the meds. He and Kahuna start coming up with options. Finally, they call the insurance. Low and behold, they are open! They confirm my insurance is fine. They just do not load 2008 benefits into their systems until 7-10 business days AFTER the start of the year. Nice, so if I had something worse, and had to take more and more expensive meds, I could have been out 100s of dollars waiting for them to get their act together.

I finally get my meds, plus two coupons from the nice man behind the counter for my next two pharmacy needs and we are off. Once home, I am already starting to feel better within an hour of taking the meds first dose. Kahuna tucks me in, taking care of me and getting some soup ready for me. I ask if things are ok. He knows what I mean. He said they are what they are, and it will all work out in the end. That we can talk about it when I am better. This is hard for me to hear because I am a worry wart, but I am in no shape, or voice, to argue. Kahuna says he loves me and adore me, and that will never change.

BuddyLuv wants chocolate ice cream, so Kahuna goes to the store to get that and Nyquil for me.

I called in sick today. Actually, I emailed in. I am a few days under my 6 month mark and I had to call in.

I have not been able to get to the gym because of my cold.

In two weeks, Kahuna has a pretrial for the divorce. At the beginning, we were told most all divorces are done then. Now, because of how lovely the ex is, we are told that it probably will NOT settle then.

I do not know where I stand with Dude.

We have not even began to deal with Pumpkin (f.k.a. Peaches, wrong "P" word).

Someone, please tell me this is not how 2008 is going to be!?!

1 comment:

Big Kahuna said...

Sweetie - I know how difficult this is on you. As you always tell me - 'God has a reason for where we are, we just need to be patient so he can let us know why."

I adore you :-)