Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Harder, Harder, Harder

We have told all three children. Dude was basically silent, beyond asking if Kahuna would be living in the city Dude lives in. Pumpkin was silent. BuddyLuv. . . not so much. The intial response was a simple multiple "No" followed by goofey behavior. He did like the fact he would still have his own room and was even promised a TV in his room. The next morning, Kahuna, in his loving and wonderful ways, mentioned that he was looking forward to the possability to spending time with BuddyLuv on a daily basis. Now that they know, it is harder to be patient and thankful for today, rather than focus on dreams of the future. I just want to be with Kahuna. I just want BuddyLuv to be with Kahuna.

I am scared of the treatment I will probably receive from the mortgage company. However, there are necessary evils that must occur to help support your request for a short sale. I don't deal well with mean people. I take it very personally and often allow it to upset me. It will be hard. But, I must find the strength to get through this part.

Last night, Kahuna had conferences and the children. That meant We could not see him. Those days are becoming harder and harder. Yes, I am pmsing, I am sure. But, I was on the phone with Kahuna and shed a few tears as I shared with him how much my body hurt from doing some physical labor around the home and just wanted to cuddle up into him and go to sleep.

My birthday is coming up!I will be 33 (I think. . . 75 to 08. . . yep, 33)! For my birthday, I am so excited! I get 4 days with Kahuna! Friday night! All day Saturday (except I have to work. But, it is a short 4 hour shift. I could not pass because it is the league I normally wait on. It would be irresponsible of me NOT to be there when I can make decent money. Besides, they know it is my bday! They said they would spread the word to be extra nice to me with tips)! All day Sunday (Kahuna, before I forget, BuddyLuv has to acolyte on Sunday, will you go to church with us)! And Monday night! Hey, and technically, Tuesday, too, in the morning! YEAH!

Kahuna. . .

I know your desires to give me the world. I have them, too. I don't need the world. I need you. I know you mentioned last night that you were having a hard night accepting the details of the divorce again because of the impact on us and our finances. I have those times, too. Not because I want your money. But rather, because of the stress it causes you.

It is ok, sweetie. You made the right choices because they were the choices you made. It has all happened in this way for a reason. I accept it and am thankful. No matter the outcome, we now have the opportunity to accept it and opportity to be free to move on. That moving on means we are one step closer to our dreams. I see nothing but good in that.

I miss you!
I desire you!
I adore you!
I love you!

Get busy livin or get busy dyin. . .
This is us living.

PS I bet you thought this was going to be about sex!


Big Kahuna said...

I so adore and love you , my beautiful angel!


I Smile 2 Much said...

Awwwwww..... I just always end up smiling so much every dang time I'm here. I luv it ;)


I am so crazy about how you luv each other :) Your words to one another are so yummy sweet & encouraging.

And Happy (almost) Birthday too!!! :) I remember that age. I used to say I was "twenty-thirteen" that entire year. ;)


Luv yas much! *muah*

Anonymous said...

Happy early birthday! I remember that age...two years ago....ahhh, the memories!


vixen kitten said...

Awww I love to see two people so in love and able to express it.

Looking forward to getting to know both of you better.

Have a beautiful evening.