Saturday, April 21, 2007

There was Once this Guy at Work. . .

There was once this guy at work. Even though his title did not include "Executive", it might as well, for the work he performed. He was always upbeat, smiling this huge smile. For a few years, I had the pleasure of assisting him in a professional manner. He was always the most polite, well spoken man! Everyone respected him, which was evident every time his name was spoken! I knew he had children, because he often spoke of them. But, there was never a word of a Mrs. I remember thinking that, if there was a Mrs., she was quite lucky. He was one of the only people who would come to our area of the office for no reason at all. . . Not to yell at us, tell us something is broken or demand something from us.

About a year or so ago, I was driving with my mother, telling her about this man. I told her how wonderful, sincere and polite he was. I told her how handsome he was. I told her that he has kids. I told her that something inside me was telling me he was interested in me. But, I also told her that I did not know if he was like others within the company who had tried and failed to make me their "other option". I remember telling her that I really hoped he was not. I would be so disappointed if this man turned out to be just another man looking for just another friend with benefits. I also remember mentioning that he was good, and that I never once heard him say a negative word or swear word. At that point, I remember her telling me that he would not want me, then, because she has heard me swear and feels I have a terrible temper.

Towards mid summer last year, my friend and co-worker mentioned that he had been coming to our area more and more and that she noticed he may be talking to everyone, but always focused on me. I asked around to find out his "status". My boss thought he must be single, because the ring she knew was once there, was there no more.

Wow! Was this good man drawn to me? Could it be true? He was the farthest thing from any "man" (read, "Boy") I had ever known. He was not "Thug", he was not "bad boy". He was grown and stable. He was strong and beautiful. Nah! But, he was flirting. . . I knew he was flirting. . .

I started to find reason to go to his floor and stop in his office to say hello. This prompted him to find more reason to come down to my floor and my area. Finally, one morning something came over me and I had now-or-never nerve. I marched up to his office and asked what his deal was. Was he available? What was the deal with the missing ring? My heart sank. He was married. He said he had just gained too much weight, that it no longer fit. I went back to my desk sad. But, praying that someday I would find a man like that for my very own.

Knowing he was taken, I turned to him as a supportive friend, sharing my dating nightmares and such. He is just that kind of person that anyone can talk to about anything.

As forwards are not really monitored, but not really allowed either, we exchanged email addresses for outside of work. . . Just in case something was worth forwarding. We started emailing outside of work, friendly. . . borderline flirting.

At work, inter-company IM was introduced. This man asked me if I used it. Because, he wanted to test if he set it up properly, but really had no one else he wanted to IM. We IM'ed mostly innocent comments. Until one day he asked if he could talk to me. I knew this was one of those now or never moments for him. So, we walked.

As we walked, he proved everything I had ever believed about him and what a great man he really was. He apologized. He apologized because he felt that he was "using" me for comfort and intimacy. We, as friends, could talk about anything. It made him feel good to be around me and talk to me. I always had something nice to say to him. He told me that he had been down the path of infidelity once before and that, because of how highly he though of me, he needed to acknowledge that our friendship was fulfilling the intimacy that was lacking in his relationship. He said that if there was ever to be anything between us, he wanted it to be honorable. This was a difficult situation and he would not let his actions cause doubts in the future. That it was not fair to me.

I told him that his friendship meant the world to me. I told him that he was a good man that I was proud to call my friend. I admitted that I had hopes and dreams of having a good man like him in my life. And, that I would always adore him, no matter what.

We walked back to the office.

Not too long after that, we were going through a conversion which required he be at the office on a Saturday. I found a reason to stop in because I was concerned about him and wanted to sit and talk. I loved talking to him about anything and everything. I talked to him about my lack of luck with internet dating. He shared just a bit more of his home life with me. It wasn't a story or a line. I could see the hurt in his eyes.

Then the day came. He told me that he wanted to walk me out to my bus. On the way, he gave me a letter and told me it was what I needed to know about him. I could see the pain and the fear in his eyes. I didn't quite know what I would find in that letter.

I boarded the bus, and started reading. It was many pages in length, typed out. It was a very sad letter. It was a very beautiful letter. It was a brutally honest letter. It was him opening himself to me and being totally transparent. I cried.

I was so moved, I called him the moment I walked into my house and told him that I accepted him for all that was written. There was nothing in the letter that lessened my opinion of him. I think I shocked him. I know I shocked him because about all he said was that class was starting and he had to get inside.

That night, I wrote him a email containing all the reasons he could use to turn away from me. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. I wrote until I was sure I had touched on at least one thing that would make him lose interest in me. I sent it off. I think he got it the next day. Guess what!?! He called me to tell me that there was nothing in my email that lessened his opinion of me. He did not care about the things that made others consider me to be "damaged goods", "used up" or nasty.

That was the beginning of Kahuna and Babushka. Right or wrong, judge us or not, that was how we became to be.

Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'. . . Kahuna found the strength to get busy livin.

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