Monday, April 2, 2007


Greetings and Great Evening, All!

Well, I am back! Did you miss me? Friday morning I did a 4 hour drive to my parents to surprise my BuddyLuv. It was so cute! He tried so hard to ACT surprised! But, alas, his great grandmother told him I was coming, and he could not not tell me he knew. Friday - Monday was spent with my folks and BuddyLuv. I took him 4wheeling, which did not last long because of the rain/snow. But, BuddyLuv yipped, yelled and laughed the whole time We drove 35 minutes to see the new WalMart and my father at the potatoe factory where he took a job after retirement. And, I saw my parents happy. It was amazing and heart warming!

You may remember my statements about not really rememebering much before the age 13. After the age 13, the most prevelant memories I have are of how unhappy my parents were. I truly disliked my father and wished many times he would go away. Other fathers just up and leave! Why wouldn't he do the same? Looking back, well, hind sight is 20/20. He married the woman he loved, but could do nothing right by her (acording to her very vocal family). He worked a terrible, physical job to pay the bills and keep food on the table. He lived in a place he did not want to be. He wanted to be close to his kids, but did not know how. His father had issues with addiction and was killed in a hunting accident when he was 17. . . and there at the scene. He did not know how to be close. He did not know how to be a father beyond paying the bills. He did not know how to be the "man" my mother wanted. But, because my mother was the only one who was ever on my side. . . The only one I THOUGHT was on my side. . . I could not see all of this. All I could see was tough love and distance.

But, now. . . Now things are different. My dad laughs. My dad cries. My dad has somehow found peace. Life may not be as he dreamt it would be, up there in the woods, miles away from everyone else. But, still, he found peace. I still see traces of the father I knew (and, yes, they scare me sometimes. . . but, thats because I think of stories I was TOLD, nothing I remember).

I love my father. Though I wish to God it would not have taken a 4 hour move and other things to bring him to this place. But, I am thankful for everything that has happened because my dad now smiles. It is good to have peace in your heart. I am thankful that I was blessed with that peace so early on in life.

Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dying'. . .
After 57 years, my father is finally getting busy livin'. I am proud of you, dad!


Big Kahuna said...

Welcome back Babushka!!!

Hindsight is 20/20 but to your credit you allowed yourself to look back and change your initial impression of your father. That takes a courageous mind and a forgiving heart.

I was blessed to feel you courage and forgiveness today. I needed your strength within me and you gave me all of that and more - expecting nothing in return.

I am blessed by you and I adore you!!!

Gillette said...

Hello, Babushka- So happy to hear that you have healed with your Father. Big step to find that place and let go of the past.