Thursday, April 12, 2007

Questions on Life, Sexuality and HNT

One ideal of recovery that I have come to accept is that life around us proceeds on its' own terms. We may not always understand why it happens and we never truly control how it happens. All we truly have is our own abilities of acceptance.

My lovely Babushka had a stressful start to her week. A co-workers daughter from one of our regional offices died earlier in the week. She was 5 years old and died of cancer. The father works for our company. The father and daughter stayed with Babushka last year when the girl came to the frozen tundra for specialized children's treatment. It never ceases to amaze me how giving, loving and caring for others that Babushka is. As with most challenges she has faced, Babushka is walking through her pain of loss with dignity and grace.

In dedication to a brave little girl who left us much too soon...........
Sexuality - Part 1
So yesterday afternoon, I offer Babushka a ride to her car as I am wont to do. She brings to my attention that she has the laundry off her bed (inside joke) and there is plenty of room for us to have sex. Given the events earlier in the week I had not allowed myself to think of sex - rather I had running through my head what a perverted and horrible person i would be IF I thought of sex with Babushka while she was grieving. This again is an old tape resurfacing from my past life that sexual thoughts are inappropriate and addictive.

Knowing I needed to rise above the shame of my past, I knew I needed to suck it up and be there for my Babushka. If sex was what she wanted then sex is what she will get - All I do is Give, Give, Give :-).

I took control - I got her nekkid, blindfolded her and laid her on her bed. I wanted her to relax and let go of the emotions of the week. I got out our favorite massage oils, lubricants and toys. I slowly and gently licked, kissed and rubbed her body - her legs, feet, tummy and breasts. I admit that I just adore her body - I could spend all day there.

Anyhow I saved her beautifully wet pussy and ass for last. Bringing her close to the edge of ecstasy and then moving back to other parts of her body, letting her sexual tension build but not be fulfilled. It was so fun to tease her - watching her try to not let me know she was close to cumming (too cute - she is loud and active in her pre-orgasmic state).

Keeping tabs on our time constraints, I finally brought her to an explosive climax - Vibrating plug in her pussy, vibrating egg in her ass and my mouth/tongue on her clit. I LOVE making her cum like that - so strong that she literally squeezes the plug out if her pussy and pushes my head away - so sensitive I cannot even touch her.

Once her orgasm subsided to a point where she caught her breath and spasming subsided, I entered her, removed her blindfold and we made love. Babushka's declaration of her "cleared bed" was her wanting to be sexual - to be intimate. Sex and intimacy can be and are in fact a powerful component in the healing process of humans.

Sexuality - Part 2
Part 1 was much longer than anticipated so I will keep this brief (yeah - right). Going from no sex in my past life, one would think that the events of Part 1 would have left me 'done' - I am not 20 anymore. Last Night, I was checking my fantasy sports, catching up on other blogs and found myself horny. So at around 11:00 I was looking at a couple PicPost entries having a self-induced Orgasm.

In my past life, this act was without question a recovery "slip", subject to the guilt, shame, second guessing and questioning of my sexual integrity. Last night I did not feel this at all - I did not feel as if this was wrong or addictive. I was not running from any uncomfortable feelings or actions - just enjoying my sexuality.

Fast-forward to 4:00am this morning. It is not uncommon for me to awaken at this time in the morning with a raging hard-on. This morning, I slowly awaken from my slumber to find myself...... rubbing one out my bed! I am lying on my stomach, hands at my crotch applying pressure. Not only that, I find myself on the verge of and then having an extremely intense orgasm as fully come to my senses. What is even stranger - there is no semen!!! I had a wet dream / dry hump.

What the hell is this!?!?! What's next - my voice is going to change and my face break out??

I finally got my new camera so I can fully participate in displaying my Babushka in all her (Half-Nekkid) beauty. Of course I have no pictures taken or available to load (I am a dork). So for the 2nd and hopefully last week I give you our Babushka celebrity HNT participant - Jewel DeNyle'.

Good Day All and Get Busy Livin!!!!