Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Simple is Not Necessarily Easy......

......This is true of the path we take in recovery.

It was a difficult weekend and early week for me. No matter how "amicable" two people say their extraction from each other's lives will be, it never truly can be. Years of bringing out the worst in the other person do not go away quickly.

I reverted to some old addictive behaviors a couple nights ago - A long-ago learned behavior to mask out the pain and fear. It saddened me and hurt me tremendously, knowing I had taken that step backward.

But I did not hide from it -I faced it and owned it. I discussed it with my Babushka and with my friends who support my recovery. Bringing out this inner darkness was a big step for me - progress. Something I would not have done last year - at least not to the level of transparency I did to my lovely Babushka.

Her grace toward me in a time of fear and pain is something I have never known and could never forget. It is a grace she gives to everyone - people who have hurt her, stolen from her or defamed her character. I am always in awe of her and am reminded of a passage:

"Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other,
just as in Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 4:32
I am blessed indeed - I Adore You my lovely Babushka

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