Monday, June 30, 2008

Babuska's Crap Part 1 (There will be 3 when I get a chance)

Kahuna was finally feeling better about things. So, it is my turn.

Friday I spent the evening having dinner with a good friend from work. We will call her Senorita. Senorita, a friend of hers and the friend's husband met me at this great little place. Senorita was wonderful. . . except that she and the friend had been friends for ages and had lots to talk about. I was the outsider, no matter how hard she tried to include me.

That night, I went to Kahuna's. Dude was there. We grabbed some fast food and a movie. Everything seemed to be going ok. Dude even talked to me a bit. It was late, so I stayed down there in Pumpkin's room.

I later learned that there was a "discussion" about this after I left in the morning. Dude (15 next month) was not ok with me staying down there overnight. Or, at least, thought Kahuna should have "checked with him first". I am torn on how I feel about this. On one hand, I want Dude and Pumpkin to be comfortable around me and want their approval. But, on the other hand, he is the child, Kahuna is the adult. I do not believe we did anything disrespectful or wrong.

Kahuna and I talked about it. Kahuna feels that, at least for now, this is how things need to be. He needs to check with them and make sure they are ok/comfortable with what he is doing. Like I said before, part of me agrees. But, part of me fears we are setting a precedence that they control our choices and actions.

Maybe I am just too fearful. After all, I have not truly slept more than a few minutes at a time in over 24 hours now.


Dana said...

Been down this path - it is a rocky one. My experience tells me that both sides are right - the children shouldn't run the relationship, but older children should be included in the discussion regarding major changes (like a new overnight guest). You'll get through this, but blended family relationships are extremely challenging at times. If it makes you feel any better, I'd say your feelings are very "normal" and the situation is a common one.

The Covert Lover said...

I have agree with you - in a way I agree with Kahuna, and in a way I don't.

Personally I would discuss things that affect the children with them (such as someone staying over night) but I would not be asking their permission. More like telling them this is what is going to happen, ask their thoughts about it and if they have a problem with it, discuss it. But ultimately it is not their decision to make, they are children. Like you I would fear that if I let my children decide for me what was and wasn't ok in situations like this, it would be teaching them that they have control over my actions insteaad of the other way around.

I wish you and Kahuna both the best in getting things all worked out! :) I know it's rough, but just remember it will all work out eventually.

Babushka said...

Thank you. Thank you, both.

Dana~Thank you for taking the time to stop by and send your supportive words. It is funny. Sometimes I consider myself so strong. Sometimes I consider myself anything but strong. You are right. They are not little ones. They need to be listened to. It is hard because I am so motherly. I am mother hen. I need to rememeber to give them time to come to me.


CL~ Thank you for stopping by and offering your thoughts, too. You, too, are wise. Like Kahuna said, it just sort of happened. But, a better way to handle it would have been like you suggested. Discussing things w/them, telling them what to expect and gathering their thoughts/concerns is a proactive way to handle things.

Thank you.

Kahuna, Thank you. I will miss you tonight. Thank you for last night. I look forward to Thursday when I can once again be in your arms.