....Up here in the land of tax increases!!
We'll, I sit here rejuvenated after a nice afternoon nap following a less than productive day at the office. You see - yesterday afternoon, evening and early morning were once again spent pampering and pleasing the lovely Babushka.
I recalled the events of yesterday as I was catching up on a few blogs. I began reading the early entries of Behind Closed Doors. As is typically the case, I am drawn to couples who have embrace their sexual energy as a part of their overall admiration toward each other. I saw many parallels between the two of them and our story.
HIM was discussing the 11 year age difference with HER and how it changed his view on relationships. I am just about a decade older than Babushka so his comments about differing music, movies and experiences did hit home. We both also seem to have come to the realization that our admiration and affection toward our women is what truly makes our relationships special.
Now - how did this make me think of yesterday. We'll it really did not, other than my need to take a nap once again reminded me of my age. I am going from 3-4 sexual encounters a year to 3-4 sexual encounters an evening for three nights out of five this week. My legs are sore, my cock is sensitive and I have not stopped smiling in six days.
I used to dream of a life where sexual intimacy could one day at least be quality if it was not going to be quantity. My cup is now overflowing with both!!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Time is a-wasting friends
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Spring Break HNT
It has been an extremely active week in the no longer frozen tundra.
'BuddyLuv' has spent spring break up in the northwoods with the parents of my lovely Babushka. This has given the two of us some extended alone time, including a couple of sleepovers.
Well, I say sleepover, but sexover is a more accurate depiction of our early evenings, late evenings, middle of the nights and mornings. I have read other bloggers who artfully describe the many details of their fuck-filled evening. My mind does not work that eloquently nor does time permit, but there are a number of thoughts that cross my mind as I recall all of the nekkidness and debauchery that is still fresh in my mind:
Needless to say, we needed two nights apart just to rest up and get a little real sleep. But never fear, we have one last afternoon, evening and morning together before Babushka leaves tomorrow to join her BuddyLuv in the woods.
I almost forgot its' that time of the week. For you I present a lovely and inviting sight of my Babushka - one that I never tire of welcoming me!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Happy HNT to you all - and Get Busy!!
'BuddyLuv' has spent spring break up in the northwoods with the parents of my lovely Babushka. This has given the two of us some extended alone time, including a couple of sleepovers.
Well, I say sleepover, but sexover is a more accurate depiction of our early evenings, late evenings, middle of the nights and mornings. I have read other bloggers who artfully describe the many details of their fuck-filled evening. My mind does not work that eloquently nor does time permit, but there are a number of thoughts that cross my mind as I recall all of the nekkidness and debauchery that is still fresh in my mind:
- There are few things in life better then a wet and willing pussy.
- There are fewer things in life I enjoy more then spending significant amounts of time orally pleasing Babushka's wet and willing pussy.
- Orally pleasing Babushka's lovely asshole is one of them - I love playing with her ass as much as she loves me playing with it.
- My taking a long time to cum is actually viewed by some (like my Babushka) as a positive thing.
- Hand-Jobs are a truly underrated sexual activity-I am not saying intercourse is not great (it is) but just lying back while your gal licks you and strokes your cock to ejaculation absolutely rocks!
- Sex Toys, Lubricants and Massage Oils are a wonderful way enjoy each others bodies
- I love being Nekkid with Babushka - if we won the lottery I would probably never let her wear clothes.
Needless to say, we needed two nights apart just to rest up and get a little real sleep. But never fear, we have one last afternoon, evening and morning together before Babushka leaves tomorrow to join her BuddyLuv in the woods.
I almost forgot its' that time of the week. For you I present a lovely and inviting sight of my Babushka - one that I never tire of welcoming me!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Happy HNT to you all - and Get Busy!!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
End of Another Week
Not a whole lot on this spring Sunday to report.
So the last item is not unique to Sunday-pretty much applies to every day! The blog that I have been reading today is Dirty and Thirty.
They are a happily married couple in France who over the last year or so have extended out into the blogsphere. I enjoy reading of their sexual exploits because there is a sense of respect and admiration toward each other as they share the joy of their big ol' Doc Johnson. If you take a look at June 2006 you will see it next to a pop can - Wow! In the subsequent months they provide pictures of Thirty in the midst of using that bad boy. I will hafta look into getting one of those for Babushka.
Now that I am thoroughly distracted..........I enjoy the closeness and intimacy that they share in their sexual journey. I look forward to a similar journey with my lovely Babushka.
Good thing I am seeing my Babushka tonight. I have a feeling that making her cum will be at the top of my "to-do" list - my "to-do-to-her" list.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'.........Livin' gets no better than a Nekkid Babushka!!
- Road to the Final Four.........
- Fantasy Baseball Draft.......
- Leisurely Blog Reading.......
- Getting Really Horny thinking about Babushka.....
So the last item is not unique to Sunday-pretty much applies to every day! The blog that I have been reading today is Dirty and Thirty.
They are a happily married couple in France who over the last year or so have extended out into the blogsphere. I enjoy reading of their sexual exploits because there is a sense of respect and admiration toward each other as they share the joy of their big ol' Doc Johnson. If you take a look at June 2006 you will see it next to a pop can - Wow! In the subsequent months they provide pictures of Thirty in the midst of using that bad boy. I will hafta look into getting one of those for Babushka.
Now that I am thoroughly distracted..........I enjoy the closeness and intimacy that they share in their sexual journey. I look forward to a similar journey with my lovely Babushka.
Good thing I am seeing my Babushka tonight. I have a feeling that making her cum will be at the top of my "to-do" list - my "to-do-to-her" list.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'.........Livin' gets no better than a Nekkid Babushka!!
Saturday, March 24, 2007
The Epiphany
As you can tell, once I start writing, I write. . . a lot. I was thinking of everything I could put regarding my epiphany. . . I could go on and on. But, it all comes down to one thing. I literally woke up one morning to an epiphany. . . the first day of the rest of my life:
1) I AM MAKING IT! I ALWAYS HAVE! I ALWAYS WILL! I was no longer the single mom working 2-3 jobs always on the brink of losing everything. I was all of the sudden the single mom working 2-3 jobs always making it! There was never a moment when we did not have way beyond the necessities of life!
2) I AM GOOD, BEAUTIFUL, A BELIEVER AND WORTHY. I am not a screw up! I am a survivor! I am not potentially beautiful! I am beautiful! Part of what allowed me to make it as far as I had was my faith. Right or wrong, I choose to be a believer! My faith does not make me weak minded, it reminds me that, partnered with my faith, I am strong! And, I am worth. Because I had forgotten this, the rest of the world had, too.
3) I CANNOT SETTLE AND HAVE MY DREAMS, TOO! It was not in me to accept less then my dreams because they "may never be realized". Quite the opposite. My dreams WOULD never be realized if I settled for less than my dream! To settle for loneliness while not being alone would be the death of my dreams.
And the best part about it? I acted on the epiphany. I did not let this opportunity for a healthy happiness pass me by!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'?
I was living! I cannot even say living "again" because I was living like never before!
1) I AM MAKING IT! I ALWAYS HAVE! I ALWAYS WILL! I was no longer the single mom working 2-3 jobs always on the brink of losing everything. I was all of the sudden the single mom working 2-3 jobs always making it! There was never a moment when we did not have way beyond the necessities of life!
2) I AM GOOD, BEAUTIFUL, A BELIEVER AND WORTHY. I am not a screw up! I am a survivor! I am not potentially beautiful! I am beautiful! Part of what allowed me to make it as far as I had was my faith. Right or wrong, I choose to be a believer! My faith does not make me weak minded, it reminds me that, partnered with my faith, I am strong! And, I am worth. Because I had forgotten this, the rest of the world had, too.
3) I CANNOT SETTLE AND HAVE MY DREAMS, TOO! It was not in me to accept less then my dreams because they "may never be realized". Quite the opposite. My dreams WOULD never be realized if I settled for less than my dream! To settle for loneliness while not being alone would be the death of my dreams.
And the best part about it? I acted on the epiphany. I did not let this opportunity for a healthy happiness pass me by!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'?
I was living! I cannot even say living "again" because I was living like never before!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Tramp Stamp HNT
No offense to my lovely Babushka - just working on my 'street cred' speak!
The acceptance of tattoos sure has evolved over the years and I do believe now that it is one of those generational items. The youth of today seem to view getting a tattoo no differently than piercing an ear.
I have grown quite an affection toward my Babushka's tattoo (a few favorite vantage points come to mind :-P) as well as her belly button ring. This does bring up quite a conundrum for me in the realm of fatherhood.
My roommates daughter is seventeen and she wants both of the above - not surprisingly he is very much against it. The typical discussion ensues of his perceived loss of her virtue and purity and her accusation that he is stereotyping any girl with a back tattoo as a perpetual slut who blows the basketball team after every home team.
You see - us fathers view our daughters as as the little girl we doted on - not the young woman every one else sees. Plus it is our own inner conflicts of this double standard toward our little girls. I asked my roommate if he truly dislikes the 'tramp stamp' look on grown women (ie 25-40). His reply - "Hell no - I think it is hot and it immediately makes me think of sex with her"!
And there in lies the crux of the problem - My lovely little Pumpkin turns 10 this year and God only knows what she will want to do to her body in 6 or 7 years. I know I will fight her tooth and nail and use any type of manipulation necessary to "protect" my little girl...............................which will immediately be followed by my using any type of manipulation at my disposal to get my lovely Babushka to do that very same thing!!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin"
Sorry Pumpkin - Life is not fair and will never be as long as you are my daughter
The acceptance of tattoos sure has evolved over the years and I do believe now that it is one of those generational items. The youth of today seem to view getting a tattoo no differently than piercing an ear.
- (that statement alone shows my age and gives me no shot at street cred - I can hear my kids now: "No one gets just their EAR pierced anymore)
I have grown quite an affection toward my Babushka's tattoo (a few favorite vantage points come to mind :-P) as well as her belly button ring. This does bring up quite a conundrum for me in the realm of fatherhood.
My roommates daughter is seventeen and she wants both of the above - not surprisingly he is very much against it. The typical discussion ensues of his perceived loss of her virtue and purity and her accusation that he is stereotyping any girl with a back tattoo as a perpetual slut who blows the basketball team after every home team.
You see - us fathers view our daughters as as the little girl we doted on - not the young woman every one else sees. Plus it is our own inner conflicts of this double standard toward our little girls. I asked my roommate if he truly dislikes the 'tramp stamp' look on grown women (ie 25-40). His reply - "Hell no - I think it is hot and it immediately makes me think of sex with her"!
And there in lies the crux of the problem - My lovely little Pumpkin turns 10 this year and God only knows what she will want to do to her body in 6 or 7 years. I know I will fight her tooth and nail and use any type of manipulation necessary to "protect" my little girl...............................which will immediately be followed by my using any type of manipulation at my disposal to get my lovely Babushka to do that very same thing!!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin"
Sorry Pumpkin - Life is not fair and will never be as long as you are my daughter
Perspective
As I look at my last entry I am reminded of perspective and that "this too shall pass". Recovery is not always a straight path, at least that has not been my experience. I can read the discomfort with myself and the recognition of old behaviors - addictive behaviors.
Many people who have addictive personalities talk of their fears - fear of rejection, of abandonment - "If I tell him/her [enter cause of discomfort] they will leave me". The response to this discomfort - this fear of rejection - that is where growth occurs.
For me, I trusted Babushka with my weekend and I was rewarded with her care and compassion. She provided a place of safety for me to be transparent. Today I trusted Babushka with my fear and selfishness around our relationship. She did not reject me - she provided me with a place of safety - she affirmed me.
Not only did she affirm me but she f*cked my brains out as well. Life is good indeed!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Old habits may indeed die hard but they will die if you do not give up on yourself too soon!
Many people who have addictive personalities talk of their fears - fear of rejection, of abandonment - "If I tell him/her [enter cause of discomfort] they will leave me". The response to this discomfort - this fear of rejection - that is where growth occurs.
For me, I trusted Babushka with my weekend and I was rewarded with her care and compassion. She provided a place of safety for me to be transparent. Today I trusted Babushka with my fear and selfishness around our relationship. She did not reject me - she provided me with a place of safety - she affirmed me.
Not only did she affirm me but she f*cked my brains out as well. Life is good indeed!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Old habits may indeed die hard but they will die if you do not give up on yourself too soon!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Healthy or Addictive??
It is one thing to make addictive choices when you have no hope for fulfillment or supportive companionship. At its' core, addictive behaviors are used to cope with loss or neglict. Recovery is a simple concept really:
1). Discontinue the addictive behavior
2). Follow a suggested sequence of actions
3). Address your core issues.
Concept One is simple to comprehend for an alcohlic or gambler - Not necessarily easy but it is simple. Don't drint or gamble.......Don't think about it and if necessary don't be around it.
But when the addictive behavior is sexual it is not quite as simple. Furthermore, when the core issue is also sexual this concept is anything but simple. For more years than I care to admit, pornography and masturbation were my "drug of choice". It was a behavior learned from my father. By the time I was in my first adult relationship this behavior was a firmly established ritual in my life. Along with alcohol, this was a way for me to escape what I did not want to face. As this first adult relationship became a marriage, porn and self-induced orgasm was how I coped with the lack of sexual relations.
I was the addicted (defective) one and my wife was the healthy one. My sexual needs and desires were obviously unhealthy and wrong since they were mine - the defective one. Hers were the correct ones since she was the healthy one. My sexual sobriety was measured by her view of healthy sexuality
* Having sex two, three or four times a year was normal and "healthy"
* I thought about and wanted sex "all the time" because I was an addict
* Porngraphy and masturbation were unhealthy and the sign of an addict
After my affair in late 1999-early 2000 I started to attend SAA meetings. One key difference from AA was that the goal was not abstenance from all sexual behavior but abstenance of addictive sexual behaviors that interfere with healthy sexual interaction.
This is a topic that is on my mind a lot these days. In this journey away from the darkness of loneliness and addiction, I find that often am not sure what is sexually healthy or is not. My baseline of knowledge is measured by what is 'not' healthy not what is. I know my belief of what is healthy is significantly different than the one I was measured by previous. But the boundaries around what is healthy is still a work in progress.
Why all the rambling nonsense above? Because above all else healthy sexuality is based on honesty. Honesty with myself and honesty with Babushka. If an activity is something I cannot share about with Babushka - that is my new baseline of healthy or unhealthy.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Old habits die hard indeed
1). Discontinue the addictive behavior
2). Follow a suggested sequence of actions
3). Address your core issues.
Concept One is simple to comprehend for an alcohlic or gambler - Not necessarily easy but it is simple. Don't drint or gamble.......Don't think about it and if necessary don't be around it.
But when the addictive behavior is sexual it is not quite as simple. Furthermore, when the core issue is also sexual this concept is anything but simple. For more years than I care to admit, pornography and masturbation were my "drug of choice". It was a behavior learned from my father. By the time I was in my first adult relationship this behavior was a firmly established ritual in my life. Along with alcohol, this was a way for me to escape what I did not want to face. As this first adult relationship became a marriage, porn and self-induced orgasm was how I coped with the lack of sexual relations.
I was the addicted (defective) one and my wife was the healthy one. My sexual needs and desires were obviously unhealthy and wrong since they were mine - the defective one. Hers were the correct ones since she was the healthy one. My sexual sobriety was measured by her view of healthy sexuality
* Having sex two, three or four times a year was normal and "healthy"
* I thought about and wanted sex "all the time" because I was an addict
* Porngraphy and masturbation were unhealthy and the sign of an addict
After my affair in late 1999-early 2000 I started to attend SAA meetings. One key difference from AA was that the goal was not abstenance from all sexual behavior but abstenance of addictive sexual behaviors that interfere with healthy sexual interaction.
This is a topic that is on my mind a lot these days. In this journey away from the darkness of loneliness and addiction, I find that often am not sure what is sexually healthy or is not. My baseline of knowledge is measured by what is 'not' healthy not what is. I know my belief of what is healthy is significantly different than the one I was measured by previous. But the boundaries around what is healthy is still a work in progress.
Why all the rambling nonsense above? Because above all else healthy sexuality is based on honesty. Honesty with myself and honesty with Babushka. If an activity is something I cannot share about with Babushka - that is my new baseline of healthy or unhealthy.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Old habits die hard indeed
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Fall from Grace
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening, All!
First, I want to say a thank you to both my Kahuna and to Gillette for taking the moment to post a comment on my entry! I was SO excited! Your warm welcome of me really made an impression! You are both very sweet!
When I had my son, I was the first in my families history to do ANYTHING wrong. Well, except for the time that one of my cousin's got kicked off the school bus. It was quite the shocking thing, my pregnancy! Other than my mom and my grandmother, most of my family (except my brother who was not even driving yet) turned their back on me.
I worked at Burger King right up until the time I was put on bed rest. At that point, I broke down and requested medical insurance through the state. I was denied insurance because I would not name his father. When I explained the situation, and the fact that I was scared of him. They said they had a way around it. All I needed to do was name him, then they would investigate. IF they found the fear warranted, they would not pursue him. If they did not, then they had his name and what they chose to do with it was out of my control. NO! NO! NO! I vowed I would do everything I could so that I would always support my child 150%!
When my son was born, we lived with my parents. I was bound and determined to get on my feet and provide for BuddyLuv! I would make any sacrifice necessary to give him a good life! And, he would never hear a negative word out of my mouth about his biological sperm donor. He would simply know that the male who gave him to me knew he could not be a good father. So, he wanted what was best for BuddyLuv. . . The chance to find a good father!
Religiously, I was falling. I had such a strong faith, but I was such a "terrible" person. I felt as though the church was "taking pity" on me by allowing me to remain. I was their charity case. This feeling stuck in my head.
I had a few boyfriends along the way, but it was nothing that ever lasted or was brought around my "BuddyLuv". I think he was almost a year old when I first actually fully had sex. I remember thinking it was not all that exciting and how funny I thought it to be that something as beautiful as a child could come from something as simple and simply boring as sex. Boy, did I have a lot to learn!
I worked as a receptionist. . . That's where I met the male with whom I first had sex as described above. I also found a very short term boyfriend who had baby's mama drama! One night, as I was leaving his home, she pulled her car in front of mine, blocking me in. Her and her friends got out, surrounded my car and asked me to get out to talk. Talk? Yeah, right! One had a brick in her hand. She was close to my window. As I went to drive away, she hit it against my window. Luckily it did not break. That was enough of that!
By this time, we were only "Holiday Christians". The church was growing to the point that it boasted being the largest in the state. I was nothing to them and lost in the crowd.
I worked as a makeup consultant at a department store. . . Nothing really exciting there. . .
then I got my first "real" job with benefits and everything! BuddyLuv was almost two. I started at a large company doing the small things. . . filing and such. along the way, I took extra odd jobs.
I received a promotion. . . another promotion. . . another promotion! When BuddyLuv was 4, the company was not doing so well, and lay off fears were spreading like wildfire. Over lunch, as a friend and I were talking about the layoff fears, she showed me some pictures of a party she had thrown the weekend before. Baby-mama-drama-guy was in a picture. I could not believe it! I inquired about the status of baby-mama. . . I guess she had calmed down by then. Feeling like I should just want whomever wanted me, I asked her to say hi in the hopes that he would want me again, now that baby-mama was calmed down.
We ended up seeing each other. He had a friend tattoo my name on his back. What a nice surprise. . . NOT! He came to my sister's wedding with me. The groom and his groomsmen were acting odd towards this male and I. Shortly after the wedding, I found out this was because my date had ROBBED the best man at gun point, during a drug sale gone bad, but it was never reported to the police! I left him. He called me at work the first Friday I was working in my latest promotion. He was going to kill himself because he could not live without me. A co worker called the police for me as I was on the phone with him. They went to the house and took him to the hospital where I met with him. He never did kill himself. I never took his calls again.
I was tired. My faith was tired. My body was tired. I forgot everything I knew about faith and the strength it once gave me!
I left the company I was working for because I figured it was better to leave on my own with a job than be forced out without a job. Plus, I was so embarrassed after the suicide attempt by that male.
At a night club one night, I met a male. I didn't like him. But, he really liked me. So, I started seeing him. 6 mo later he asked me to marry him. He said he loved me so much, he even spent more on my engagement ring then he should have had to! It was almost $200. My desire to give BuddyLuv a "normal" full home was stronger than my common sense. I said yes. He started working two jobs to help pay for the wedding. Things started coming out about him. He started drinking. Hennessey on the rocks. . . I practically carried him to bed the night before I bought my wedding dress. I knew when I bought the dress, that I was not going to wear it. I knew it was not what he wanted me to wear (tight, sexy, cut down to there and slit up to there). Instead, it was the most beautiful, princess, huge dress I had ever seen. Why did I buy it? Because if I did not, my mom knowing how much I loved the dress meant explaining how I could find my dream dress and not want it. Two days later, I found the strength to leave him when he talked about whippings and how necessary they are to raise a child.
After having had to search out a church in which I would have been comfortable marrying a black man, had we gotten married, I was done with church.
The new job fell through because I was not mentally there with all that was going on. I was jobless. I worked at the mall for a few months until I was able to get back into the large company from which I came. I worked a second job at a night club after BuddyLuv went to bed to not only catch up but to also get ahead enough to get our own place.
With my lack of self esteem, I started working the door. I loved the music and he environment of the club! Then they were short a waitress, so I tried that. Then I was doing so well, I started being the shot girl. Working as a shot girl was empowering. Feeling that I could do this or that and MAKE men want to buy shots and give me tips was a rush. Knowing my walking by men a certain way would make them want me was a rush. Knowing that I had my ex's picture ingrained in the heads of the bouncers who would take care of him every time he wanted to set foot into the club was a rush. Being threatened by a girl caught drinking under age with a pool ball in her hand was not. I snapped out of it and left that job.
Fast forward, I met my latest ex-boyfriend. I also hit rock bottom. I was tired of working so much. I was tired of being tired. I was tired and working so hard to never allow my BuddyLuv to see what a screw up I was. Ex was a college grad, who went to school on almost full scholarships. He was beautiful, strong, educated, had a bright future but still had thug in him. What a dream come true! Ex moved in to help pay for bills. Ex broke down what was left of me. Ex brought into my home things that I was against. Ex was laid off from the company I was working for. Ex didn't have a car. Ex told me I would be so attractive IF. . . I started trying those IFs. But, I was always "almost there".
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'? I was dying.
First, I want to say a thank you to both my Kahuna and to Gillette for taking the moment to post a comment on my entry! I was SO excited! Your warm welcome of me really made an impression! You are both very sweet!
When I had my son, I was the first in my families history to do ANYTHING wrong. Well, except for the time that one of my cousin's got kicked off the school bus. It was quite the shocking thing, my pregnancy! Other than my mom and my grandmother, most of my family (except my brother who was not even driving yet) turned their back on me.
I worked at Burger King right up until the time I was put on bed rest. At that point, I broke down and requested medical insurance through the state. I was denied insurance because I would not name his father. When I explained the situation, and the fact that I was scared of him. They said they had a way around it. All I needed to do was name him, then they would investigate. IF they found the fear warranted, they would not pursue him. If they did not, then they had his name and what they chose to do with it was out of my control. NO! NO! NO! I vowed I would do everything I could so that I would always support my child 150%!
When my son was born, we lived with my parents. I was bound and determined to get on my feet and provide for BuddyLuv! I would make any sacrifice necessary to give him a good life! And, he would never hear a negative word out of my mouth about his biological sperm donor. He would simply know that the male who gave him to me knew he could not be a good father. So, he wanted what was best for BuddyLuv. . . The chance to find a good father!
Religiously, I was falling. I had such a strong faith, but I was such a "terrible" person. I felt as though the church was "taking pity" on me by allowing me to remain. I was their charity case. This feeling stuck in my head.
I had a few boyfriends along the way, but it was nothing that ever lasted or was brought around my "BuddyLuv". I think he was almost a year old when I first actually fully had sex. I remember thinking it was not all that exciting and how funny I thought it to be that something as beautiful as a child could come from something as simple and simply boring as sex. Boy, did I have a lot to learn!
I worked as a receptionist. . . That's where I met the male with whom I first had sex as described above. I also found a very short term boyfriend who had baby's mama drama! One night, as I was leaving his home, she pulled her car in front of mine, blocking me in. Her and her friends got out, surrounded my car and asked me to get out to talk. Talk? Yeah, right! One had a brick in her hand. She was close to my window. As I went to drive away, she hit it against my window. Luckily it did not break. That was enough of that!
By this time, we were only "Holiday Christians". The church was growing to the point that it boasted being the largest in the state. I was nothing to them and lost in the crowd.
I worked as a makeup consultant at a department store. . . Nothing really exciting there. . .
then I got my first "real" job with benefits and everything! BuddyLuv was almost two. I started at a large company doing the small things. . . filing and such. along the way, I took extra odd jobs.
I received a promotion. . . another promotion. . . another promotion! When BuddyLuv was 4, the company was not doing so well, and lay off fears were spreading like wildfire. Over lunch, as a friend and I were talking about the layoff fears, she showed me some pictures of a party she had thrown the weekend before. Baby-mama-drama-guy was in a picture. I could not believe it! I inquired about the status of baby-mama. . . I guess she had calmed down by then. Feeling like I should just want whomever wanted me, I asked her to say hi in the hopes that he would want me again, now that baby-mama was calmed down.
We ended up seeing each other. He had a friend tattoo my name on his back. What a nice surprise. . . NOT! He came to my sister's wedding with me. The groom and his groomsmen were acting odd towards this male and I. Shortly after the wedding, I found out this was because my date had ROBBED the best man at gun point, during a drug sale gone bad, but it was never reported to the police! I left him. He called me at work the first Friday I was working in my latest promotion. He was going to kill himself because he could not live without me. A co worker called the police for me as I was on the phone with him. They went to the house and took him to the hospital where I met with him. He never did kill himself. I never took his calls again.
I was tired. My faith was tired. My body was tired. I forgot everything I knew about faith and the strength it once gave me!
I left the company I was working for because I figured it was better to leave on my own with a job than be forced out without a job. Plus, I was so embarrassed after the suicide attempt by that male.
At a night club one night, I met a male. I didn't like him. But, he really liked me. So, I started seeing him. 6 mo later he asked me to marry him. He said he loved me so much, he even spent more on my engagement ring then he should have had to! It was almost $200. My desire to give BuddyLuv a "normal" full home was stronger than my common sense. I said yes. He started working two jobs to help pay for the wedding. Things started coming out about him. He started drinking. Hennessey on the rocks. . . I practically carried him to bed the night before I bought my wedding dress. I knew when I bought the dress, that I was not going to wear it. I knew it was not what he wanted me to wear (tight, sexy, cut down to there and slit up to there). Instead, it was the most beautiful, princess, huge dress I had ever seen. Why did I buy it? Because if I did not, my mom knowing how much I loved the dress meant explaining how I could find my dream dress and not want it. Two days later, I found the strength to leave him when he talked about whippings and how necessary they are to raise a child.
After having had to search out a church in which I would have been comfortable marrying a black man, had we gotten married, I was done with church.
The new job fell through because I was not mentally there with all that was going on. I was jobless. I worked at the mall for a few months until I was able to get back into the large company from which I came. I worked a second job at a night club after BuddyLuv went to bed to not only catch up but to also get ahead enough to get our own place.
With my lack of self esteem, I started working the door. I loved the music and he environment of the club! Then they were short a waitress, so I tried that. Then I was doing so well, I started being the shot girl. Working as a shot girl was empowering. Feeling that I could do this or that and MAKE men want to buy shots and give me tips was a rush. Knowing my walking by men a certain way would make them want me was a rush. Knowing that I had my ex's picture ingrained in the heads of the bouncers who would take care of him every time he wanted to set foot into the club was a rush. Being threatened by a girl caught drinking under age with a pool ball in her hand was not. I snapped out of it and left that job.
Fast forward, I met my latest ex-boyfriend. I also hit rock bottom. I was tired of working so much. I was tired of being tired. I was tired and working so hard to never allow my BuddyLuv to see what a screw up I was. Ex was a college grad, who went to school on almost full scholarships. He was beautiful, strong, educated, had a bright future but still had thug in him. What a dream come true! Ex moved in to help pay for bills. Ex broke down what was left of me. Ex brought into my home things that I was against. Ex was laid off from the company I was working for. Ex didn't have a car. Ex told me I would be so attractive IF. . . I started trying those IFs. But, I was always "almost there".
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'? I was dying.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Frontal HNT
It has been quite a week and I had plenty of topics ready to address....until I got here and saw that my lovely Babushka had decided to post. This is a significant step for her and I could not be more proud or excited for her. I have known her to be an incredibly independent, strong, moral and unselfeshly giving person. Soon you will know her as well.
But back to the task at hand - It is Thursday and that means HNT. As I read the beginnings of Babushka bearing her soul on the inside I was drawn to this photo bearing the beautiful package that soul is wrapped in.
I must admit that 34DD has become a favorite number of mine.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
How liberating it is to no longer regret the past or fear others knowing of it.
Congratulations Babushka - I Adore You!
But back to the task at hand - It is Thursday and that means HNT. As I read the beginnings of Babushka bearing her soul on the inside I was drawn to this photo bearing the beautiful package that soul is wrapped in.
I must admit that 34DD has become a favorite number of mine.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
How liberating it is to no longer regret the past or fear others knowing of it.
Congratulations Babushka - I Adore You!
Past Due Introductions - Babushka's Beginning
Greetings and Great Day, All!
Hello! Babushka here!
I know it is very past due, but I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself to this blogging world. Why has it taken so long, you may ask! Well, that is simple question! "How do you start?" is the simple answer! "What could I say that the world would want to hear about or from me?" Kahuna is teaching me that the answer there is simple, too: Me!
So, here I am! Ready for me?
I guess a good place to start is usually in the beginning! But, that will not work for me. I have come to accept most of my beginning as "it is what it is". . . Blank. I don't really recall much before the age of 13. There are bits and pieces, which are not all that pretty and cannot really be called fond memories. But, it is what it is and I have come to accept that. Trust me, it was a long road to acceptance.
Am I scared of the unknown? Not anymore. In the past few years, I have come to understand that I am a whole heck of a lot stronger than I once thought. There are reasons why I do not remember things; good, bad or indifferent. If and when memories come back, I will deal with them and be able to handle them! :-)
When I mention the past few years, I should add that this epiphany I had causing this change within me has actually started to allow a few more memories to come back, making some things add up. Maybe someday I will elaborate on that. But, if I did so now, this first blog would be so long, you would get tired of me already and not come back to see whats new!
Fast forward through all those trying teen years till right at the end and you will find me at 19, on my way to college out of state and enjoying my first real, steady boyfriend! Yeah me! :-)
At 19, I was a virgin who had never even seen a naked man(seriously!)! I had never had a drink, always been a good Christian girl, believed in a love that conquers all and had the weight of being somewhat overweight on my shoulders. I look back now. . . Man, I wish I could be (only) that overweight again! Anyways!
When I met this male, I fell head over heals! He was amazing! He was beautiful! He was Italian (6'6, dark hair, dark eyes, olive complexion)! He was that bad boy who I just knew had a sweet sensitive side no one understood.
That summer, I was wooed like never before. I went away to school. There were the constant calls forever. There were the visits home every chance I got. There were whispers behind my back about how naive I was to believe he was faithful. There were smiles to my face from fear of breaking fragile me. I didn't know until it was too late.
I was a 19 year old virgin. Even when I was in HS in the 90s, that was not that common. I guess that made me a prized notch for a headboard. I was adamant about not wanting to give the present of me to only one man, the man I marry. So, guess what!?! On a November trip home to see this male, there was talk of. . . If only I had the money to buy you a ring and marry you! I have to work and cannot always see you because I want to buy you a ring! I love you!
Well, on Christmas break, I decided, whats the big deal!?! Why not!?! What better timing to give myself to this male than on Christmas Eve/Christmas Morning!?!
He gave me a shot of some alcohol he had in his drawer downstairs in his bedroom.
We took our clothes off.
It was just so odd looking, and seemed like it had to be the largest penis in the world.
As he was pressed against me, wanting to enter, he pushed a couple of times. Luckily there was no luck, he did not enter.
I FREAKED OUT!
There was no way that was going to fit there!
Shortly after Christmas break, (and him giving up) we fought. I cried to my mom. She asked if we had been active. I said no. I did not think it counted. It did.
Exactly 5 weeks to the day later, I was pregnant. I woke up in the dorm, sat up and said I was pregnant, we need to go get a test. That lovely male. . . When I told him I needed to talk to him, his response was, "What, do you have AIDS?" When I finally told him, he said that he was not ready for responsibilities like this, that I was ruining my life, it could not be his because I was a slut/whore/bitch and he was too young. In the next breath, he told me he met someone new and was moving in with them. He warned me that his family was never to know. Out of fear, I headed that warning. Right or wrong (I know. . . many have made it their business to tell me how wrong I am) I only contacted him one other time after that via a letter to tell him I was keeping the baby.
9 mo later, after a losing battle with Toxemia, I was induced and gave birth to my beautiful and amazing love of my life: a bouncing baby boy. In a way, it was also the birth of me!
Get busy living or get busy dying. I started to get busy living, at least for a while!
Hello! Babushka here!
I know it is very past due, but I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself to this blogging world. Why has it taken so long, you may ask! Well, that is simple question! "How do you start?" is the simple answer! "What could I say that the world would want to hear about or from me?" Kahuna is teaching me that the answer there is simple, too: Me!
So, here I am! Ready for me?
I guess a good place to start is usually in the beginning! But, that will not work for me. I have come to accept most of my beginning as "it is what it is". . . Blank. I don't really recall much before the age of 13. There are bits and pieces, which are not all that pretty and cannot really be called fond memories. But, it is what it is and I have come to accept that. Trust me, it was a long road to acceptance.
Am I scared of the unknown? Not anymore. In the past few years, I have come to understand that I am a whole heck of a lot stronger than I once thought. There are reasons why I do not remember things; good, bad or indifferent. If and when memories come back, I will deal with them and be able to handle them! :-)
When I mention the past few years, I should add that this epiphany I had causing this change within me has actually started to allow a few more memories to come back, making some things add up. Maybe someday I will elaborate on that. But, if I did so now, this first blog would be so long, you would get tired of me already and not come back to see whats new!
Fast forward through all those trying teen years till right at the end and you will find me at 19, on my way to college out of state and enjoying my first real, steady boyfriend! Yeah me! :-)
At 19, I was a virgin who had never even seen a naked man(seriously!)! I had never had a drink, always been a good Christian girl, believed in a love that conquers all and had the weight of being somewhat overweight on my shoulders. I look back now. . . Man, I wish I could be (only) that overweight again! Anyways!
When I met this male, I fell head over heals! He was amazing! He was beautiful! He was Italian (6'6, dark hair, dark eyes, olive complexion)! He was that bad boy who I just knew had a sweet sensitive side no one understood.
That summer, I was wooed like never before. I went away to school. There were the constant calls forever. There were the visits home every chance I got. There were whispers behind my back about how naive I was to believe he was faithful. There were smiles to my face from fear of breaking fragile me. I didn't know until it was too late.
I was a 19 year old virgin. Even when I was in HS in the 90s, that was not that common. I guess that made me a prized notch for a headboard. I was adamant about not wanting to give the present of me to only one man, the man I marry. So, guess what!?! On a November trip home to see this male, there was talk of. . . If only I had the money to buy you a ring and marry you! I have to work and cannot always see you because I want to buy you a ring! I love you!
Well, on Christmas break, I decided, whats the big deal!?! Why not!?! What better timing to give myself to this male than on Christmas Eve/Christmas Morning!?!
He gave me a shot of some alcohol he had in his drawer downstairs in his bedroom.
We took our clothes off.
It was just so odd looking, and seemed like it had to be the largest penis in the world.
As he was pressed against me, wanting to enter, he pushed a couple of times. Luckily there was no luck, he did not enter.
I FREAKED OUT!
There was no way that was going to fit there!
Shortly after Christmas break, (and him giving up) we fought. I cried to my mom. She asked if we had been active. I said no. I did not think it counted. It did.
Exactly 5 weeks to the day later, I was pregnant. I woke up in the dorm, sat up and said I was pregnant, we need to go get a test. That lovely male. . . When I told him I needed to talk to him, his response was, "What, do you have AIDS?" When I finally told him, he said that he was not ready for responsibilities like this, that I was ruining my life, it could not be his because I was a slut/whore/bitch and he was too young. In the next breath, he told me he met someone new and was moving in with them. He warned me that his family was never to know. Out of fear, I headed that warning. Right or wrong (I know. . . many have made it their business to tell me how wrong I am) I only contacted him one other time after that via a letter to tell him I was keeping the baby.
9 mo later, after a losing battle with Toxemia, I was induced and gave birth to my beautiful and amazing love of my life: a bouncing baby boy. In a way, it was also the birth of me!
Get busy living or get busy dying. I started to get busy living, at least for a while!
Monday, March 12, 2007
Name that Movie!
Damn Gina - Its Monday night already.
Friday afternoon was spent the best way a Friday can be spent - Looking at the nekkid backside of my Babushka while maintaining a firm hold on her hips and...
The weekend alternated between the two fruit of my loins (Gotta love Monty Python). Oldest and I watched a Reno 911 DVD - Youngest and I went Bowling.
Sunday evening was consisted of a nice 85 minutes cuddling with my Babushka followed by 5 minutes of teasing my scrotal area before I hide to go home..........GRRRRRRRRRRR
Actually I enjoy the teasing by my Babushka - Plus Payback is Hell!!!!
A quick thank you to Blissfully Wed (Very cool duo HNT's) and Mike (FNF Huh?) for the kind HNT words.
Economics Awaits me now
Time to get Busy Livin'
Friday afternoon was spent the best way a Friday can be spent - Looking at the nekkid backside of my Babushka while maintaining a firm hold on her hips and...
The weekend alternated between the two fruit of my loins (Gotta love Monty Python). Oldest and I watched a Reno 911 DVD - Youngest and I went Bowling.
Sunday evening was consisted of a nice 85 minutes cuddling with my Babushka followed by 5 minutes of teasing my scrotal area before I hide to go home..........GRRRRRRRRRRR
Actually I enjoy the teasing by my Babushka - Plus Payback is Hell!!!!
A quick thank you to Blissfully Wed (Very cool duo HNT's) and Mike (FNF Huh?) for the kind HNT words.
Economics Awaits me now
Time to get Busy Livin'
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Back to the Future HNT
I think for everyones benefit the best will not be saved for last, rather presented right up front (or back if you will).
Now that is what I call a nice distraction indeed. Such a distraction that I am left with little else to say that is reasonably intelligent.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
........or Just Get Busy (Period)
Now that is what I call a nice distraction indeed. Such a distraction that I am left with little else to say that is reasonably intelligent.
- Work - Finally getting to a reasonable level of stress
- Divorce - Rapidly moving into an unreasonable amount of stress
- Children - 13 and 9 (Need I say more about that stress)
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
........or Just Get Busy (Period)
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Booty Call?!?
So earlier today my Babushka brought up the topic of a Booty Call, specifically about my coming over to her house today for the sole purpose of one. Even though we were simply kidding around, I found myself feeling very defensive.
I have always been deliberate in NOT thinking of our alone time as primarily sexual. A thought process brought about by those old tapes of repression and shame. I still find that I can feel conflicted about having sexual thoughts and desires. There is still that old part of me that has been made to feel that wanting sex is unhealthy - an addictive behavior.
I find myself feeling tentative at times with my lovely Babushka. There are occasions where I am not as forward as I would like to be. I want to ensure she knows that I think of her as more that a "Booty Call" - so much more. Babushka must have a sixth sense, an ability to understand my conflict inside.
Babushka took charge today knowing what she wanted and ensuring she got it - not allowing me to touch her. She was intent on touching me and touch me she did. She would accept nothing less than my orgasm and that is exactly what she got.
Afterward, as the clock was rolling to the top of the hour my Babushka turned, looked at me and stated "You know what I was thinking"?
"That we need to get ready to go?" was my natural response.
"No - That I want you to make me cum - right now"
As her legs clenched against my head in orgasmic spasms I could not help but think to myself......... Babushka was not so much the mind reader but instead had been planning her own "Booty Call". Am I one lucky guy or what!!!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
A little afternoon delight never hurt anyone :-)
I have always been deliberate in NOT thinking of our alone time as primarily sexual. A thought process brought about by those old tapes of repression and shame. I still find that I can feel conflicted about having sexual thoughts and desires. There is still that old part of me that has been made to feel that wanting sex is unhealthy - an addictive behavior.
I find myself feeling tentative at times with my lovely Babushka. There are occasions where I am not as forward as I would like to be. I want to ensure she knows that I think of her as more that a "Booty Call" - so much more. Babushka must have a sixth sense, an ability to understand my conflict inside.
Babushka took charge today knowing what she wanted and ensuring she got it - not allowing me to touch her. She was intent on touching me and touch me she did. She would accept nothing less than my orgasm and that is exactly what she got.
Afterward, as the clock was rolling to the top of the hour my Babushka turned, looked at me and stated "You know what I was thinking"?
"That we need to get ready to go?" was my natural response.
"No - That I want you to make me cum - right now"
As her legs clenched against my head in orgasmic spasms I could not help but think to myself......... Babushka was not so much the mind reader but instead had been planning her own "Booty Call". Am I one lucky guy or what!!!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
A little afternoon delight never hurt anyone :-)
Monday, March 5, 2007
Miss........Is This Seat Taken?
Up here we are able to do most anything (or anyone) after 2 feet of snow. Apparently this Northwest Airlines employee from Washington took that a bit too literal.
What exactly makes one think to themselves "Hey, maybe I'll just scoot into that empty seat at rub one out on the lady sitting in 25E." And what about said woman in 25E whose told authorities she felt the man "spoon" her and felt her shirt being lifted up. Is it just me or would that not be the time to say something? Instead she waits until he is done spooning and then notice after he gets up that there is "warm fluid" on your back and side.
On the other hand, if Babushka was in seat 25E then we are talking about a completely different story!! Babushka and I had ourselves a little "nekkid time" this weekend, followed by a movie , dinner and a little more "nekkid time". Gotta love having dessert first :-).
The challenge of getting the soldier to attention arose again. The first time around it was on my mind constantly, which I am sure added to the pressure (or lack thereof). But Babushka and I talked about it and found more success in round two.
Of course at 4:00am this morning I was at full mast and ready to roll.....and not a airplane in sight! Just my luck.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Hope my next flight is the red eye!
What exactly makes one think to themselves "Hey, maybe I'll just scoot into that empty seat at rub one out on the lady sitting in 25E." And what about said woman in 25E whose told authorities she felt the man "spoon" her and felt her shirt being lifted up. Is it just me or would that not be the time to say something? Instead she waits until he is done spooning and then notice after he gets up that there is "warm fluid" on your back and side.
On the other hand, if Babushka was in seat 25E then we are talking about a completely different story!! Babushka and I had ourselves a little "nekkid time" this weekend, followed by a movie , dinner and a little more "nekkid time". Gotta love having dessert first :-).
The challenge of getting the soldier to attention arose again. The first time around it was on my mind constantly, which I am sure added to the pressure (or lack thereof). But Babushka and I talked about it and found more success in round two.
Of course at 4:00am this morning I was at full mast and ready to roll.....and not a airplane in sight! Just my luck.
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Hope my next flight is the red eye!
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Frozen Tundra HNT
Up here in the frozen tundra we are measuring snow in feet, not inches. Schools, city governments and even the megamall is closed for business. Sounds like a perfect opportunity for an evening alone with my Babushka....
Doing my Economics is the prudent thing but doing my Babushka is certainly more enjoyable. Our (her) inaugural HNT is a reminder to me that I will take HWP over GDP any day of the week!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
I am Dyin for a little taste of my Babushka
- Crackling fire to warm our hearts
- Vanilla scented candles to fill our soul
- Peppermint laced Sipping Chocolate to quench out thirst
- Our bodies intertwined to fulfil our hunger and passion
Doing my Economics is the prudent thing but doing my Babushka is certainly more enjoyable. Our (her) inaugural HNT is a reminder to me that I will take HWP over GDP any day of the week!!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
I am Dyin for a little taste of my Babushka
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