As I look at my last entry I am reminded of perspective and that "this too shall pass". Recovery is not always a straight path, at least that has not been my experience. I can read the discomfort with myself and the recognition of old behaviors - addictive behaviors.
Many people who have addictive personalities talk of their fears - fear of rejection, of abandonment - "If I tell him/her [enter cause of discomfort] they will leave me". The response to this discomfort - this fear of rejection - that is where growth occurs.
For me, I trusted Babushka with my weekend and I was rewarded with her care and compassion. She provided a place of safety for me to be transparent. Today I trusted Babushka with my fear and selfishness around our relationship. She did not reject me - she provided me with a place of safety - she affirmed me.
Not only did she affirm me but she f*cked my brains out as well. Life is good indeed!
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
Old habits may indeed die hard but they will die if you do not give up on yourself too soon!