....Or as The Divinyls sang so clearly "When I think about you I touch myself.." Ah yes, who can not think about the Fembots in 'Austin Powers' when this song is on.
Anyhow, I was thinking of my Babushka last night and I masturbated. I know - "Who Cares - What is the big deal" you may say. The fact is that my past life was filled with being shamed by others for this activity. Granted, it was typically an activity that I abused as an addictive substitute for alcohol or sexual interaction. It was a coping mechanism used to not face the pain associated with my unmet needs.
These thoughts of masturbation being "wrong" do not die easy. As I embark on my new journey I realize that I do not believe that masturbation is "evil or bad" - that feeling was a result of others beliefs.
I do know I have abused it and used it for medication vs. true enjoyment. Not sure how I should feel. Am I justifying a behavior or trying to convince myself of something I want to believe.
I dunno - I don't feel ashamed or uneasy - I am tired of treating my sexuality as something I cannot enjoy with myself as well as my dear Babushka.
It's not like I am going blind - but things are starting to get a bit blurry :-)
In the words of the immortal Steven Stills:
"If you can't be with the one you love honey love the one your with"
Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin' - so says the Kahuna