During my quest to find what healthy sexuality meant to me I searched out what it looked like for others. Given that I had been told that women could "take or leave" sex and that physical intimacy was a male-driven priority, I found my search focused on the female perspective. From a male perspective there was no problem in finding men unsatisfied with their intimate life. Most gents who took the time to write ranged from angry to hopeless, with the typical result being the justification of extra-curricular activities due to the feelings above. Having already been down that path without finding what I really craved, I took a different approach.
Admittedly I was looking for evidence that supported my hopes rather than what I had been told. My on-line journeys lead me to women's advice sites, specifically www.ivillage.com. I found this to be very helpful in that there were women who had questions, concerns and challenges with their sexual identities, just as I did. This site introduced me to various "message boards" on a number of topics that helped me understand there were unhappy folks like me.
But where are the "sexually happy people" - what about ladies who actually enjoy and look forward to sex with their mate and are disappointed if they cannot connect on a regular basis - Do they exist?
One day in 2004 I found a link in a message board to a "blog" - whatever that was. This lead me to my first trip into the blogsphere - http://atasteofthegoodwife.blogspot.com/
I immediately was smitten by The Good Wife. She was interesting, sensual, sexual, wrote erotic stories and actually enjoyed fucking her husband. She reveled in her blog about the great sex her and Rick enjoyed and how much it meant to her. She longed for his touch and was noticeably saddened when he was away.
This is what I wanted!!!! Not multiple partners, threesomes, orgies with the cast of Desperate Housewives or a piece of ass for every day of the week. I simply wanted one beautiful woman to share intimacy with - emotional, spiritual and sexual - on a regular basis. Someone who would be disappointed if we went a period of time without touching, kissing or stroking each other.
A few years and a few hundred blogs later I finally have my Babushka. Earlier in the week we had Chinese and started watching a movie. While laying in each others arms she looks me in the eye and says very matter of fact: "I would really love to suck your cock but my stomach is too full from dinner". And then we just watched the rest of the movie before I had to go home. NO sense of loss or that I was "missing an opportunity" - very much thoughts and behaviors of my past. I was filled with all I needed from her just by being with her and secure in the knowledge that a sexual connection would be important to her and therefore occurring in the near future - perhaps a leisurely afternoon of lovemaking or going down on her in the middle of the kitchen.
Get busy livin' - it beats the hell out of dyin'.
As for The Good Wife, after a blessed birth in 2006 her sex life with Rick has not come back to its' true form. My hope for her is that Rick rediscovers his passion and gives her the high-hard one she so richly deserves.