...... even as 2005 ended pretty similar to the previous 5 (14) years - unhappiness, hopelessness and ultimately drunk after a period of sobriety. The next morning was different in three unique ways:
1). I admitted to my two children what had happened and that I was alcoholic
2). I told my partner if I could not be honest with her I needed to leave
3). I quit trying to earn love or affection from someone else and focused on me
2006 saw the first significant "Me" decision - I enrolled in college shortly thereafter (for me). This was a big step for me as I always have had a goal to complete my degree. I began to ask for the things in my relationship I wanted and at times challenged the answers when told they were wrong to need. My confidence in myself began to improve through the summer until a fateful "visit from the folks" - a topic that could be its' own blog! In short, I ended up drinking during their visit and once again found myself not disclosing. This occurred in unison with the most recent rejections of physical and emotional intimacy. This last rejection was intensely painful, more so than any of the hundreds of others previous. Yet it was also a culmination for me.
An end point...........a new beginning