Sunday, January 28, 2007

Open Mouth - Insert Foot

It is inevitable as humans that we will hurt one another. Not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense. That happened on my date with Babushka tonight. A nice meal and conversation was followed by a brief stop at a party store for her to buy gifts for a co-worker.

In my quest to be "witty"; "funny" and "cool", I made a crappy comment about an ex in-law and his live in girlfriend. In that mode of being cool I failed to take Babushka's feelings into consideration. Given that she had been in the same situation earlier in her life, my comments were extremely hurtful to Babushka.

I could see the hurt and tears in her eyes and my heart just broke. I apologized and held her tight and told her how sorry I was. She was able to accept my apology. I typically do not forgive myself as easily. Regrettably we cannot take back things we say, no matter how much we would like to. We hurt the ones we care about the most, typically unintentionally.

I spent many years trying to not hurt others, paralyzed by indecision and second-guessing. It never truly mattered as I hurt them anyway and then looked for ways to medicate my disappointment in myself.

I am sad that I hurt Babushka today but glad that we are close enough to one another that it mattered to her. I am human and will hurt others again as they will hurt me. I can only own my actions and make promptly make amends. That is what I was able to do tonight - make amends and receive forgiveness.

These are the days of our lives......

Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'

Even with my faults of today - I choose Livin'

My slate will be clean tomorrow - for that I am grateful.

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